Well, I took a deep breath and braved the obvious repercussion. I asked my wife to inform me what the findings of the visit are, since I can't be there. She said would you quit being controlling. I asked a couple of things: was she going to be biased or unbiased in providing information to the doctor; what if the doctor asks about me? My wife replied that the doctor already knows that I won't be coming. And she kept telling me to stop being controlling, because she must've felt how I was cornering her and questioning her was controlling. She said she will let me know anything pertinent. "Why can't you trust me?", she added. "I just want to run away and never ever see you again whenever you do things like this!" So I said that I just wanted to be clear. ...And I had the conversation recorded just to be on the safe side. I hate being sneaky like this, but I feel like I need to protect myself, at least from a legal standpoint.
Still, I can't help but wonder if my wife is really having a hard time battling her own decisions of our separation so far vs going ahead with it. What I mean is, could she be seriously reconsidering, not reconciling, but just maybe, opening herself up because she has seen changes in me, but is still afraid to face that? Perhaps now even though she's still protecting herself with her wall, she might be watching my every move more intently than before? I don't know, but based on the words she's been using during our conversations above, the kind of distress she's in and her tone tell me that I may have been wrong about how far gone she has been in her decision to divorce.
Don't worry, I'm still hard at DRing even with all my backsliding and backlashes.
