When I let go of what I'm,I become what I might B

[Firstlove]

Lostinscared

Just a comment on your comment about time is your friend. I heard a quote that I liked so I will share it with you all

"Faith if forged in delay"

We need patience and perseverance. Here is what THE instruction manual of life says about that.

Romans 5:3 "Not only this, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance and endurance character and character hope."

If you want hope for your future - be patient and endure - your character will shine thru like a bright light.

[2stepboogie]

Wow 1st Love I LOVE IT. I think I am going to post that on my mirror. I keep posting things on my mirror I won't be able to see myself, and that would be tragic shame

Hey 1st love stick around I would love a new person to join us and stand by for a new 2step alert

[lostinscared]

Gypsy, yes!!!!

[lostinscared]

Faith is not in those things seen, but rather those unseen!

I love the quote Firstlove. I especially love the Bible verses. They help me a lot. I don't sleep much and keep the Bible by my bed. Definitely my rock.

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I say, rejoice” (Philippians 4:4)

[zengypsy]

ok 2, I'm waiting for the update alert.....

[MichelleLT]

Yeah, where's the update? LOL

As for the statistics...I think the ones who get D again are the ones who wanted out of the M. I think if you find someone good, someone committed, that you will be in the minority that stick it out. That's why we have to learn, that's why we DB. If we can't save this R, at least we're learning the skills for the next one. Better late than never!

My XH is the one who is going to get D again, not me! LOL. Course at this point, I have no real desire to be M again. I miss it. I liked it. But I can't see it as anything more than a lot of hassle and a piece of paper that can be taken away from me. I figure I had the M without the commitment, so this time I'll have the commitment without the M. LOL

[2stepboogie]

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>UPDATE ALERT>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Ok so there I was sitting on my coputer reading email when I get a call from W.

W "hey what are you doing?"

M "not much was up?"

W "D needs to be picked up from school"

M "they called you? Sorry about that. I will go now"

W "its ok. Are you busy today?"

M "nope. I am just doing busy work. Why?"

W "I'll call you later then. MY other eye is now messed up. Work wants me to come in but I can't see, so I can't drive"

M "That doesn't make much sense. What are you going to do?"

W "It doesn't make sense because it is a stupid company ran by stupid people! This would not be happening at old job. I am calling in. I can't drive like this. Anyways I'll call you later"

M "OK"

Picked up D from school and started to get ready for work. W calls back

W "can you believe these people want me to come in with both my eyes swollen shut! What the he!! am I suppose to do I can't see the are so stupid. I shouldn't be calling u with this if your busy I can hang up"

M "I am ok you can call me anytime. It really doesn't make sense to me though why they would want you to work"

W "I don't know I am taking the day off though. The Dr is calling I'll you back"

At this point I finished getting ready and headed out. She calls back

W "Yeah I am taking today off. I'll probably regret it come pay day."

Small talk at this point and then

W "How is work going?"

M "Work is good trying to help a friend reach his goals for the quarter so I am taking from my production to give to him. I want to make sure he gets passed Feb with no prob"

W "Isn't that nice of you"

M "what do you mean?"

W "you sacrifice for him but......."

M "I would do the same for you"

W "when the he!! did you sacrifice yourself for me? what sacrifices did you make for me?"

M "well...blah blah"

W "yeah blah blah is right lol. Maybe now but not when it mattered"

M "yeah I guess so. I guess we all make mistakes, I've made mine but the important thing is I've learned from them. So then it really isn't a mistake it is a life lesson"

W "yeah I should of put my foot down more, that was my fault"

M "I should of listened better and then maybe you wouldn't have to put your foot down"

W "you and friend should M each other it would be a perfect M two freaking aholes. They should make a show about u guys I would watch it"

M "you and his ex and that would be the extent of my viewing audience"

W "LOL yeah but it would be a good show"

Some more small talk back and forth and then.....

M "yeah D wanted to talk to you last night because she was upset with me"

W "I am going to call her tonight. What was she upset about?"

M "well I made her go to bed early for having some attitude she apologized and I told her thank you but she still needed to go to bed. That pissed her off and she told me if you were here you would of forgiven her. She told me thank you ruining my life. She also asked if you left because of her or because she had an attitude about HW and paino. I told her no"

W "what did you say?"

M "I told her the truth. You left because I was not the H I should have been. That I thought I was treating you good but I wasn't, but it had nothing to do with her"

W "what did she say"

M "she was irritated with me because I made you leave. I asked her for forgiveness and she said she would think about it."

W "What else did she say and what else did u tell her"

I told her more about our conversation and she listened. I also told her I had met another guy in the same boat as me and I was shocked how much our sitch and hers were alike. I told her some of the things his W had told him and some of the mistakes he had made. She said

W "I would like to meet her. She is probably wondering the same things I am. If the changes are real. How long will they last? Will they last until he becomes comfortable again"

M "Those are exactly her concerns. Him and I have spoken at great lengh about this and we both realize that any changes based on another person could never be sustained the changes have to come from within you in order for them to be real regardless of the outcome"

W "This is true, but you have always been a good talker"

M "Not everything I say is a sales pitch"

W "Maybe not I guess. You went to MC but you did not really go. You just showed up."

M "Yeah I was there but not really there. I figured out though that solution based C is much better or coaching I guess you could call it. All part of the many things I have learned"

W "It probably would be better. We should of done that."

Some more small talks but I can't really remember. The conversation ended this way

W "Are you going to be busy today?"

M "I'll be in the office pretending to work."

W "Well I am going to get some rest and try and rest this eye. I will call you back this afternoon sometimes if you like"

M "Sure I'll be around, call when you like"

That's it. Sorry the update took so long I was a little busy at the office and just found out my mom fell down some steps and is in the hospital. She is fine but getting herself checked out.

I honestly did not expect to hear from her for a few days.

I had something that I thought was important but I forget because the phone just rang. If I remember I'll post it going to go eat some sushi right now with D she is out of school because the lights went out. What a day!!!

[Denver_2010]

Hey 2Step... more good conversation with your W... That's great.

But, seems to me that you brought up R talk again. I guess that I don't see the point in bringing it up every time that you speak with your W. I don't know... I'm hung over today, so probably not thinking real clearly.

Did you refer this guy over to DB? Wondering what approach he is taking...

"I also told her I had met another guy in the same boat as me and I was shocked how much our sitch and hers were alike. I told her some of the things his W had told him and some of the mistakes he had made. She said

W "I would like to meet her. She is probably wondering the same things I am. If the changes are real. How long will they last? Will they last until he becomes comfortable again"

M "Those are exactly her concerns. Him and I have spoken at great lengh about this and we both realize that any changes based on another person could never be sustained the changes have to come from within you in order for them to be real regardless of the outcome""

BITS
Denver

[MichelleLT]

W "you sacrifice for him but......."

M "I would do the same for you"

W "when the he!! did you sacrifice yourself for me? what sacrifices did you make for me?"

M "well...blah blah"

Don't take the bait man!!!! You walked right into that close ambush!

You recovered nicely. Your sense of humor definitely pulls you out of some tight spots! LOL But just because she wants to delve into the torrid past doesn't mean you have to follow her.

A lot of that convo was just painful rehash and has been done many times before. Bringing up the solution based therapy was probably a good thing to slip in there.

But she's not THERE yet. She's not ready to recommit. You ACTIONS not your words will earn that. The running theme with your W is that words are not enough, you talk nice, but when push comes to shove how does she know what you'll do?

Well guess what, you are between a rock and a hard place now. This is when push comes to shove. Now is the time to BE unconditional love. That doesn't mean having no boundaries or letting her walk all over you, but it means acting in a loving way, trying to make her happy, with NO EXPECTATION OF RECIPROCITY.

It will take time to see results, but if you are patient and consistent your actions will break her barriers down.

[Denver_2010]

W "you sacrifice for him but......."

M "I would do the same for you"

W "when the he!! did you sacrifice yourself for me? what sacrifices did you make for me?"

M "well...blah blah"

Don't take the bait man!!!! You walked right into that close ambush!

You recovered nicely. Your sense of humor definitely pulls you out of some tight spots! LOL But just because she wants to delve into the torrid past doesn't mean you have to follow her.

A lot of that convo was just painful rehash and has been done many times before. Bringing up the solution based therapy was probably a good thing to slip in there.

But she's not THERE yet. She's not ready to recommit. You ACTIONS not your words will earn that. The running theme with your W is that words are not enough, you talk nice, but when push comes to shove how does she know what you'll do?

Well guess what, you are between a rock and a hard place now. This is when push comes to shove. Now is the time to BE unconditional love. That doesn't mean having no boundaries or letting her walk all over you, but it means acting in a loving way, trying to make her happy, with NO EXPECTATION OF RECIPROCITY.

It will take time to see results, but if you are patient and consistent your actions will break her barriers down.

Yep... my thoughts exactly.

BITS
Denver