How are you doing today? Yours was the first thread I read when I first got up this morning. Been thinking about how to respond.
Your reactions, your feelings, they are all normal. I'm not going to talk you out of them. You are trying to protect yourself and that's ok.
I really suggest, though, that you slow things down a bit. Not just with your interactions with your W, I mean in your mind also. You have to be ready that things like yesterday might happen again, but it is not all gloom and doom. It's just a part of the process. People get stuck in these cycles that they find very difficult to get out of. Your W is stuck in one of those cycles. And I agree she might be disillusioned about what love is. But, she is acting mostly on impulse right now... she doesn't realize that she is stuck in a cycle. She is not as mindful of her feelings, actions, interactions as you are because you are a lot more educated in this process. I'll tell you for me, I'm stuck in cycle behavior too. I got into detach mode too well and now I am stuck trying to get out of it in reaction to my H's request for reconciliation. I was not ready. It's the same thing with your W.
I know that moving is a huge leap of faith, but you were taking that leap regardless. The same argument you had to your W about not panicking about what could be, is the same argument for you. There are no guarantees in life. You need to make a decision to move or not move and not let your W deter you from that decision. Because she will probably meltdown again. Stay off that roller coaster and be the rock. You have done that so well already.
I'm so proud of you, Bolt. I really think that things are going to be good. I think you've done so much work and I think your W knows this. Give her some patience. Understand where she is with the educational process that is reconciliation and love and recognize that she is in the woods a bit more than you are. This does not give the excuse for you to be self-righteous (which you're not), but merely to simply support her when she gets a little lost.
