I think I have a case for plagerism. Did he steal those emails from my H? Sounds just like 'em. Everything said above is absolutely true. They want the easy way out to what they want, and none of the recriminations or consequences.
Verbal cruelty is their forte' while in MLC.
Believe in yourself. You've always done a great job, and will continue to do so. Go dark, stay dark as much as possible. Have the 'rock star' divorce. That way you will have a lighter to wave at the attorney as he/she goes on stage.
SA - Nasty e-mail, he is trowing a temper tantrum for not getting his way....I know how their cruelty hurts sweetie. We still have a hard time believing that these are the same men that had our backs all these years....just remember it's not you it's him...he is the one with a problem, so don't let him make you feel bad about your decision to hire a lawyer...as your son said if he is planning to be fair it shouldn't matter. But what their MLC minds think is fair is another issue...
You are a beautiful person and don't let H make you feel otherwise. (((hugs)))
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
Thank you for your kind words and wise advice. I am grateful and blessed for all of your support.
My question is: Is there ever a time we get to have our say? Not to accomplish anything but the fact to get it off of our chest. I know it would not make any difference to H and it isn't about getting him to change his mind. The wheels are in motion and this is going forward. I am thinking of writing him a letter just to say the things I haven't said to him for 16 months. The letter would truly be for me.
Obviously, I'm asking this because I'm not sure it's the right thing to do. I do not want to cause further damage, but at this point is that possible? I understood the reasons for not doing it before, but H has now filed and those reasons are a moot point.
I value and respect all of your input and opinions. I've followed the DB principles and advice I've been given almost to the letter since I found the MLC board.
The letter wouldn't be written in anger or blame. It would be about me and my point of view about our M. I know H wouldn't 'hear' what I've written at this time. It would be about letting go and moving on for me.
Write the letter, poor out everything you have to say to the SOB and then some. Let him have it. And then burn the letter.
You will feel better, I promise. You will be released from some of the stress and strain you are under emotionally. But as you say, he isn't going to hear any of it. Nada. As wise Beatrice pointed out to someone on this Board, although I can't remember who, there will come a time when you will get your chance to tell him and he will be able to hear you. When that time comes, it may no longer matter, but if it does, you will be able to say it.
My question is: Is there ever a time we get to have our say?
IMHO there will come a time that the MLC'er will come to you looking for foregiveness. That time is not now. It will be so far down the road that you will not even care at that point.
I like Punkin idea FWIW, the letter to him will not accomplish anything.
You can write me the letter if you wish. I will at least understand what you are saying.
SA - I agree that the letter wouldn't accomplish anything right now accept maybe to make you feel better...and that's a good enough reason for me. I'm also of the opinion that it can't do any more damage...he's filing for D after all...it's not like you are going to drive him further away. But the letter will say (and I know that you will say it nicely) what you need to say and maybe one day when H wakes up he will remember that after all he has done...you still cared enough to write it.
If you write the letter please remember...no expectations...you will likely not get a reply back, or he may reply with something hurtful...just saying
(((hugs)))
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
Hi, write the letter, as suggested, and then write the response you would like to have from your h. Sounds crazy but it helps.
Actually just over a year ago [over 4 years post bomb] my h poked his head out of the tunnel and told me how sorry he was, and appeared to listen to all I had to say. He told me he knew how much he had hurt me and how terribly sorry he was. We had a few good talks, and then he went right back to being Mr MLC man, mean and nasty.
It was very very weird, but I did get to say some things I wanted to say, nicely, and I got some real closure.
It is as if my h cannnot do normal for more than a few days. The strain gets to him. But he seems to be in there, somewhere along with all the junk!
It is really actions that demonstarte if there is an end to MLC.
Beatrice, My xh apologized to me for all of the crazy stuff he put me through up to the mlc. He's never apologized for that crazy-making behavior.
SA, write the letter, beat the heck out of a pillow.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
