Newbie- Very Lost- Not Sure where to start

[MrBond]

"When I reassure her "everything is going to be ok, no matter what happens". She becomes very open, and wants to be "chatty"."

Because you're letting her off the hook without having to deal with any of the negative consequences.

"I can not change whatever it is she is doing."

Yes you can.

You working long hours to provide for the family had nothing to do with her A. An A is a CHOICE. She chose it and has to deal with the consequences. Open transparency is what's needed when trust has been broken. She doesn't "get it".

You should show her that you are hurt and feel betrayed. No sweeping things under the rug.