Okay, that took the wind out of me. My wife comes home and I said I thought about it some more and I need to be there with y'all during the psych visit. She vehemently said no. And no. And no. And no... She basically said that here's another example of me being controlling, that I need to butt my business into everything. In her defense, I did do that a lot during our marriage, and so I see how she thinks my motive to be at the psych visit might be. She asked why can't I give her the space and respect for once? I said if it's important for our son to suddenly need to such a visit, I need to be there too. What if this was a real sickness and suddenly he had to go to the doctors? Would she deny me from going too? She then told me she's paying for it, so that's that.
She kept asking why I can't let her decide to do things for herself without me questioning it (which is true, based on our history). She said that I will get to come if our son needs to go for another visit (she told me that earlier during our phone call).
Then she started on a conversation that took me completely by surprise. She got visibly upset and said that she just doesn't see me changing and just keeps seeing the same proof that her decision to leave is the right one. Prior to this conversation, I really thought she was done. Then the convo turned into something about dinner, and I have to admit to y'all - I totally let the ball drop on this one and made her even madder. She even gave me numerous cues that all she wanted from me was an acknowledgment or an apology, but I kept talking and acting like a defensive jerk. I really blew it, and she finally said she's done with this conversation, that she's madder than before and I blew my chance.
I hate that I can't seem to walk the walk when push comes to shove. I'm starting to doubt the changes I supposedly made over these months.
