This drives at one of my biggest fears. This is my 2nd time around even though I really don't count the first. I was young very young and so was she. She got preg we got M 3yrs later it was done and done.
This will be my second M but in my heart my first. I M W because I loved her not because she got pregnant or it was the right thing to do. I wanted to. If this thing goes south then I will face a 75+% chance of getting a D next time around. I don't like the idea one bit.
I also don't like the idea that a piece of me will die with this M and I am scared I will not be able to fully trust someone again never really give myself to someone for fear of getting hurt.
Do allow myself to get hurt again? There is no doubt in my mind that whatever happens with time I will be ok but will I ever trust again? I loved being M, and I loved being M to my W but as I think about it going forward a R is the last thing on my mind. The idea of getting M again makes me crinch.
Even if I do reach that place where I can love someone the same it does not take away the fear of getting M because the odds at that point are stacked against me.
I am just jumping in on the conversation I can't stay on that long right now. I will be back in a few hours. Right now I am going to go and get my a$$ kicked in wii baseball by my D.
HW done, dinner done, dishes done, showers done, another happy night in the house of the 2step.
