Recovering after a same sex affair

[sparks14]

So I have been throwing the word betrayal around pretty loosely to my wife and in our therapy. My wife committed adultery. She had an affair. She betrayed me. She destroyed my heart and our trust. Her actions are why I am here and our marriage is at a breaking point.

Sorry for being a lil blunt here...but it seems like you are carrying a lot of resentment toward your W here.

1: Yup, you want your marriage and your wife back
2: You feel that your wife betrayed you. I am assuming that you are little upset about this
3: I dunno, but do you feel you are owed some kind of apology?

See if the above are true, then you might be you are not being true to your self. You might first either have to prioritize what you want and execute in that manner, or throw away your resentments, forgive your W fully and move from there on.

To give you an example: My W called me up and told me that she's filed for the divorce on the same day that my grandfather died. She told me right after i told her the news of his death. Yes for 2 days i could not believe and could not forget that she did not even care for a dead person. Oddly though right now it is not a problem for me. I dont mind what she did that day. I just want her back. I know that your situation is more delicate than mine and i can understand what you are feeling.

I think once you forgive your wife or accept the truth of what you want, you might be able to proceed better.

You are correct Karma. I was being blunt myself to show a point. That resentment is the feelings that I have deep down. Why would you do this to? How could you do this to us? I think these care the natural feelings that come out of discovering your spouse has been having a long affair.

I only brought it up tonight to discuss the betrayal verses avoidance question.

I am not intending to hang it over my wife's head while we work on rebuilding our marriage. If you were to go through my story, I am wanting very badly to get past the affair, rebuild our marriage with forgiveness and trust, and reconcile. This is why I plan on taking responsibility for my actions tonight and apologize. After the apology, I just want to actively listen to my wife.

Sorry for the misunderstanding.