Because I can see others sitch clearly. I have no real emotion attached, I mean I want them to succeed and I celebrate their small victories as if they where my own. In my own sitch you have to take a lot into account. For one thing my personal involvement my personal pain and grief. I am easily defeated because I hear her voice I see her actions. When she speaks it's not from anger she seems to have thought out her words. I hope that others see my sitch with the same clarity I see theirs.
In one word.....
What would you call that ?
Originally Posted By: 2stepboogie
.......you are too kind.
I would like for you to remember that if the "but" police have to visit....
Only thing you can say is I understand or nothing at all.
Ignore all of what they say and half of what they do as MWD says. Just because she's not able to trust you enough now doesn't mean things can't change.
Soak in the words Michelle says here. Also she said she thinks she can't etc....key word...thinks. IMHO, the words thinks is not a solid definitive. She's just spinning her tires in the mud at the moment. She wants to trust you but that wall she's built to protect herself is telling her it's not a great idea. It's an internal struggle for our WAS's too. She IS hearing you. Trust has to be earned in time and with patience and actions.
Stay focused. I'm still not convinced she is done. Have a better afternoon.
(((HUGS)))
BITS
M: 48, H: 42 Kids: 0 T: 20 yrs M: 16 yrs. (H's 1st, my 2nd) WAS/MLC: 12/7/09-I'm not the wife HE deserved Came home per L: 12/26/09, Left again: 2/6/10 Served: 10/21/10, D FINAL: 6/15/11
H: I love you but I am not in love with you anymore. H: I thought things were bad since the move but since talking to my friends, I now know the breakdown happened well before the move. H: I didn't feel loved anymore. I felt like I could never do anything right. Then I just shut down. I have nothing left for you. H: I just can't do anything with you. Laughing and have a good time with you just seems so wrong. H: I don't know if there is hope for us anymore. I am thinking seriously about a divorce. H: I need to leave. Separation is the only thing left to do. H: I am calling a lawyer in the morning. H: You keep asking me if there is any hope left and I just need to tell you that I don't have a single shred of hope left. H: I just can't be around you anymore. H: I don't love you anymore. H: I have decided that I am leaving.
I understand what you are saying, 2Step. Her words and her actions are saying two entirely different things, though. Time to stop paying too much attention to the words and start focusing a bit more about the actions.
Let me ask you a question, do you initiate conversations with her? I mean I know we were told not to. I followed those rules. They were a disaster for my situation. Your relationship might be in a different place where it is time to refine the rules a bit.
Only thing you can say is I understand or nothing at all.
Ignore all of what they say and half of what they do as MWD says. Just because she's not able to trust you enough now doesn't mean things can't change.
Michelle is dead on 2Step. My W told me those exact same things in January. It is okay. She just needs time man.
IMHO I really think that you need to back off the R talk with her and keep things on lighter subjects. I DEFINITELY understand your desire to talk R with your W. But every time that you do, right now, it reminds her why she can't give you another chance. AND, it isn't going to change her mind... not yet.
You are in a good place bc you are having consistent contact with your W. I think that that is really good. But I still think that you need to let her process what she is going through and the changes that she is seeing in you.
JMO man.
BITS Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
Only thing you can say is I understand or nothing at all.
Ignore all of what they say and half of what they do as MWD says. Just because she's not able to trust you enough now doesn't mean things can't change.
Soak in the words Michelle says here. Also she said she thinks she can't etc....key word...thinks. IMHO, the words thinks is not a solid definitive. She's just spinning her tires in the mud at the moment. She wants to trust you but that wall she's built to protect herself is telling her it's not a great idea. It's an internal struggle for our WAS's too. She IS hearing you. Trust has to be earned in time and with patience and actions.
Stay focused. I'm still not convinced she is done. Have a better afternoon.
(((HUGS)))
zen,
She is guarded and she is trying to protect herself. I think I a lack of concentration moment and got over zelous. That tell me I am not detaching well and that I am still learning about myself. I wish I could see my sitch as clearly as I see others
I get it. I believe that is exactly the point Michelle just pointed out to me.