Need Advice!! Not sure on next move? Part 2

[dixiegal]

Good Afternoon BITS!

So, I just got off the phone w/the DBing C! She is soooo awesome! BITS...everyone has to get a DBing C!

Anyways, she says that I must go to the dinner here is why:

H can only give what he initates. (Not what I do.)
H needs to SEE the changes that you are making. Can't do that by only phone, text and FB.
All contact is a good contact if I make it so. Its is a oppty.
H has expressed shock/wow factor to my changes because...ie staying calm, going dark, FB adventures and etc and what he said on phone.

That I need to go, that I have to take the oppty as this is first time he has asked since Dec when he said it was done. (I didnt ask him he ask'd me.) My goal should only be to get along and have a nice dinner and to listen to him. (Denver you did just what she was telling me!)

Even if H says something that is really hurtful to me. I must tell myself so what I can deal with that later away from here. Right now, I'm going to show compassion for what he is saying and feeling. By doing this, it allows him to say wow she is really listening and I thought she would get mad like always. Maybe I can talk to her again...maybe I want to. Thank him for him being honest and acknowledge how hard that must have been. If he starts talking...DONT INTERRUPT even if its to agree!

That I should mirror his behavior...if he hugs me, kiss or etc. But, if he pulls a way or acts distant, then I should keep cool also.

I must set low expectations...It doesnt matter if H doesnt want to go to C. I can make the changes for me...H will see this and will then make the choice to move forward or walk away.

Don't argue about the facts...nobody wins...

That I must show him what he is missing: being positive, happy, calm during the interaction.

That if I feel like I'm getting upset or mad. To pay attention to the my "yellow" light warning signs. Then, if I can excuse myself to the bathroom and calm myself. But, H must not see this! If I can't get up at the moment....use "Thought Stopping" Tell myself..NO-Don't go there! I can wear a rubber band on my risk out of his sight. Under the table just pop it everytime I get freaked...LOVED that idea!

Finally, even if he says he wants a D. It means nothing it does not mean it will happen..it's still not over....I should say..I dont want a Divorce but, I wont stand in your way. However, if he wants to discuss details of the D. That I should say, I will not participate in the D. If that's what you want you will have to proceed without my assistance.

So, there it is BITS....I feel prepared for it no matter what on Thursday. Please keep us in your prayers.

Sorry for the typo's typing from the phone...

Dixie