Sic, punchy, it seems like our sitches are all coming together in the same way - us with live in spouses who are all straining to run.... We have been resisting but are at the point where we are getting tired of holding on to that leash and are letting go. Maybe that is the true meaning of DB.
Punchy I just read what you posted to SIC about acceptance , and I am here to let you know that it is true, it changes things so radically.
H and I talked last Sunday, and I finally told him that I am turning a corner and starting to accept our sitch. I wanted to make him happy, I could no longer stand seeing him so miserable because I loved him, and if it means separating, so be it. But I still did ask him to give it time as I think D12 can't take it as this point, for reasons he knows as well.
I talked to him about my plans for what will happen after the S or D...and the effect was that it made the prospect real for him, made him realize that I meant it. I even expressed my wishes on what are the things I would like to do before we separate - like doing our dream of going to Alaska, etc.
Immediately, the atmosphere cleared and within the day, we started talking and laughing. He agreed with my plans, let me know that he will always support me no matter what undertaking I have, financially and in other ways. He told me that he actually did ot want to get married again, and wanted to maintain a good relationship with me. For the first time, I agreed also.
The funny thing, when I started talking about my plans for my own life, which included quitting work to review for licensure exams and going back to residency so I can practice being an MD here, he even said that we'll have to sell the house, scale down and live in an apartment, if that would be OK with me. We? I thought we'd be separated by then?
At the end of the day, we even progressed to the point where he admitted that we still have a physical attraction for each other.
One of the peculiarities of our sitch is that unlike you guys, we still do have a some sex life (ok, go ahead sic and be jealous). PEI always tells me to be careful of the sex part, but I think in our case, it might help. For a while, after EA ended, H was so depressed that he lost interest in sex, but nowadays I culd sense his attraction to me coming back and boy, am I flirting! Its not like we are ML often ( I think just 3 times this 2011, and the first one was a disaster) but emotionally, he is still distant. Guys, tell me if that is not a positive in our sitch. Let me know if it will make him lose respect, or if it will be fuel to the fire.
I am praying so hard that I made the right decision.....
Me:49 H:45 D:12 M:14 T:18 Bomb: 6/26/10 EA: 9/3/10, fizzled out slowly, now ??? 11/5/11 Retrouvaille Finally piecing.... Its peaceful at last, but we got a looong way to go
