No problem. But first start changing your thoughts from things like this...

"but when it's good for me I'll do it."

Either you're all in or not. If you're not all in, that's when people make mistakes and backslide.

"change the aspects of me that I know are unacceptable to me."

And to her.

M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER