Stuck Like "Crazy" Glue

[ScaredinCanada]

It's funny the other day we were talking casually about her house plans. She asked me, "What do you think is a fair amount for child support?"

I said I don't really know. I know what you've said you want, I know what the government says I should pay and no that either way it is not good for me because I am not getting to be with my kids I'm just paying for them.

She's really asking me for far less than what the government specifies I should pay and I have no idea how to deal with that. I really don't have any desire to deal with it now anyways.

Just want to keep trying to save the Titanic!! Man I wish we could have just avoided the freakin iceberg!

[verysad2day]

That is why I am so afraid of today. The rejection that comes with it

[2stepboogie]

Stinks. My W just called, said "I hope your not planning to get me anything for V-Day, because I don't want anything".

I just said, "Ok, that's good to know".

She said, "I don't want flowers or anything.", and I just said, "You don't want flowers from ME, or you don't want flowers?"

She said, "I don't want flowers, and I don't want anything from you"

So I just said, "Did the girls enjoy their gifts?"

She said, "Yes, they were really excited but it surprised me that you did that because it's not like you to be thoughtful."

I just replied, "I know, and I'm realizing that being thoughtful also makes me feel good."

Then I just, "Bye, and I'll see you later". I hung up.

Now I want to cry...

Am I the only one that sees positives in this conversation? I would of left the comment out about the flowers from me. Serves no purpose at all.

As far as her saying you are not normally thoughtful I think that is a good thing. She will probably go through a range of questions about you. I think the most common first reaction is annoyance, irritation and skepticism. If you are consistant she will notice

[ScaredinCanada]

Thanks 2Step, it's a big 180 for me as I know it's something that really bothered my W and in hindsight it should have bothered me. So I am working to fix that.

I don't my W is confusing.

I wanted to hit the gym last night after dinner, but W wanted to go rent a movie. So I relented and let her go get a movie, and I stayed home with the girls and didn't goto the gym.

When she got home we got the girls to bed, and we were both downstairs. She just asked me, "Are you going to watch the movie?" and I said "Sure that would be nice".

Unfortunately I was really tired from the night before (out late playing poker, only had about 4 hours sleep), and should have told my W. I ended up falling asleep, and I can assume I was snoring because she woke me up.

She says to me, "Does nothing interest you except for sports??" In a bit of daze I just said, "Of course other things interest me, and I wanted to watch the movie I'm just really tired - not bored." Then she went on to say, "You always would fall asleep when we'd try to watch a movie."

&^%$...some people get up at 5:00am everyday...hard to stay up late any night.

So I just shut my mouth and headed upto bed. I cannot win no matter what.

I meant to mention as well the other night when I was at my parents house to play poker I noticed that any pictures of my W and me that were previously on display are all gone. In a way I was like WTF, and in another way I wasn't surprised.

They are just waiting around for my W to leave, I'm sure there thrilled. How do I deal with this? I'm already planning to sit down with my M when they get back from vacation to give her a piece of my mind.

My life is just so frustrating, people that are supposed to love me sabotaginging it.

[punchy]

Her asking you to watch the movie with her was very positive. Also, your willingness to give up your workout was also very unselfish and positive at the same time. Too bad you couldn't stay awake. Every interaction we have with our spouse is an oppourtunity to DB and show that we have changed. Easier said then done!

The message to her was clear...

You can stay up late for something you are interested in doing, but you can't stay up late for her.

Keep your game face on and be ready for the next scoring chance.

[2stepboogie]

Everyone slips we will all make mistakes.....get up dust yourself off and try again. Isn't that what we tell our kids

[ScaredinCanada]

LOL - I think I deserve a mulligan on that one.

I mean I understand that her comment, "Does nothing interest you except sports?" obviously is screaming at me that I don't care.

It's just funny how you can do so much right, and one mistake takes it all away. BAH.

I like the apparent progress, but I don't really believe it. Also, it's such a small step it's very likely that she was just being considerate and wasn't really trying to spend time with me. The time I was awake she didn't say a word to me (I guess we were watching a movie, on seperate couches...not making eye contact...uhhhhh), I even made a joke about sharing a blanket.

She just has so much resolve, stubborness. Not one to admit being wrong.

I'll be back at it tonight, nothing planned other than hitting the gym on the way home. Hope tonight is good and I can atone for falling asleep.

Thanks guys!
SIC

[MrBond]

"&^%$...some people get up at 5:00am everyday...hard to stay up late any night. "

But you were able to stay up late the night before playing poker.

"I mean I understand that her comment, "Does nothing interest you except sports?" obviously is screaming at me that I don't care."

No to her it means that you don't mind going out late to do your own thing (poker) but when she wants to do something, you aren't interested, therefore not interested in being with her. You had a golden opportunity here that was wasted.

"It's just funny how you can do so much right, and one mistake takes it all away. BAH."

You're still the one who wants to be married right? Change the attitude.

"I like the apparent progress, but I don't really believe it. "

Every positive is a positive no matter how big or small. Reality is that you aren't going to see a massive change overnight. Your marriage didn't go to sh*t overnight. The changes will take time just like that.

If you aren't going to start believing that there are positives, then why are you here? Many people on here are dying for ANY positive response from their spouse.

[ScaredinCanada]

Thanks Bond.

I understand the shows her that I didn't care enough to stay up for her, but when it's good for me I'll do it. First time in months shes "wanted" me in anyway, I'm sorry I wasn't prepared for it. Don't know if she was intentionally challenging me because she knew I was tired? Setting me up to fail?! Whatever, it doesn't matter. I need to be better, bottom line.

Attitude, yes I know it needs to change. It has to a point, but I'm a realist, I look at a sitch and decide the most consistant outcome, and use that as my measuring stick. It works great at work and with a lot of life goals, but not great it in a R.

I know positives are positives, I guess I've just been so focused on trying not to over-react to them like I did in the first month or so after the bomb. Time is my ally in this, and patience needs to become a close friend!

I understand many people on here don't see any positives, and I'm sorry if I don't appear to appreciate them. They are important to me, and they help me to stay motivated. Without a doubt I want to W to be my W again. I want to continue to fix the mistakes I've made and change the aspects of me that I know are unacceptable to me.

We'll see how things go tonight. As always thanks for setting me straight Bond.

SIC

[MrBond]

No problem. But first start changing your thoughts from things like this...

"but when it's good for me I'll do it."

Either you're all in or not. If you're not all in, that's when people make mistakes and backslide.

"change the aspects of me that I know are unacceptable to me."

And to her.