B- I think everyone thinks they have it the worst. But I'm pretty sure I do.
By ZERO affection, I literally mean NO affection. She doesn't want me to initiate it, nor does she. Before she gave me the quick kiss before our 5K on Saturday, it had been a bout 6 weeks before she kissed or hugged me at all. Forget about hand holding. No ILYs at all. She has said it in a round about way.
In bed there is no cuddling, etc. she might sleep close to me but that is it. She might touch my arm at times, but even then it's only been a handful of times in the last couple months.
We've ML once since early November.
I'd love for even to have what you have Bolt or what XYZ has. I really don't know what is going through her mind. Strangely the MC doesn't seem phase by this or maybe he just things we are talking about not having sex and doesn't know the extent of it. I really think we need to start this or we will never get on track.
I do know that when she asked me to ML in December (man is screwed that up.) It w as totally out of the blue. Wow reading this makes me kinda sad.
But is she trying with a lot more things for just us to do - sans kids.
Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet. --Jean Jacques Rousseau.
Well, I don't even know where to begin to talk about what just happened. I'm a little lost.
W just basically told me that she wants to separate. I have no idea where this came from because we were going so good.
We're moving to basically her home town and I think the move is really taking it's toll on her. We're moving for the first time for her and my career is on hold. I'm fine with that because she's the most important thing for me right now.
I'm trying to stay strong but I don't know what to do...
m 40 w 38 married 15 together 18 d11, d8 bomb 12/19/10 2nd bomb 3/30/11 COMPLETELY DONE
What did you say to that? Did you go into DB mode or what?
My take is that she is afraid. You have a lot of change coming up and maybe she doesn't know how to process it all. maybe he was looking to see how you'd take it. I dunno.
Personally, I try to keep my reactions to myself. I'd go for a drive if I had to and if I could. Let her process what she is proposing.
Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet. --Jean Jacques Rousseau.
With your actions, reactions and words are you going to strengthen this idea in her mind, or weaken it?
As for the calls.
Posting of personal information will get you moderated and monitored at best, a delay on your posts, banned at worst. I know the reasons why, but I also know how helpful it can be.
Bolt and Harrier, not to scare you, but at times I thought my wife and I was piecing, and it turned out not so much. You should check out my first thread and some of the communications.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
I wasn't suggesting for anyone to 'break' the rules. It's her forum and her rules. But I do question some of what goes on here - is it to help people or is to sell people a product?
Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet. --Jean Jacques Rousseau.
thanks guys. I did go into DB mode seriously. I validated her feelings and said I understood. I did a TON of listening and told her to look at the man I'm becoming.
She keeps coming back to the feeling of love. She isn't sure if she'll ever feel that she loves me again. I asked her what's her definition of love. She gave me how SHE feels to BE loved - all things I'm doing in spades and I can see she feels it. She TELLS me (at other times) that she feels it.
I said but what's your definition of being in love with someone? She really couldn't answer that one. I told her that she has been showing me loving feelings. I told her of the times when she cuddles with me and holds my hand and does all of those little things that I need to feel loved - that's love. That's showing the other person that you love them...
I didn't make a huge point of it but I told her I'm not giving up on her that easy. It's a long road and I'm here to fight for her. To be that man that I know she wants me to be.
She told me about her walls that she built up for so long and that she's been planning this "move" for a long time. I said, I understand that you feel like you are hiding behind this wall to protect yourself from the pain. I then said that I'm waiting outside of that wall, trying to help tear it down.
She even said a few days ago that the walls are slowly coming down.
I have to remember that...
It's funny because right now, she's on the phone talking with her mom and including me in the convo - as if nothing happened...
The good thing is her mom is a HUGE proponent of us and has a knack for smacking her in the nose when she needs it...
(inhale) Time for more work - even if that means me giving space...
m 40 w 38 married 15 together 18 d11, d8 bomb 12/19/10 2nd bomb 3/30/11 COMPLETELY DONE
With your actions, reactions and words are you going to strengthen this idea in her mind, or weaken it?
JTB- right on!
I do look at this as a test of sorts and that I have to pass it. Believe me, there are thoughts of me packing my stuff now and saying, here ya go! BUT that would be what she is afraid of. I have to be stronger and fight harder.
Now on to positive thoughts
m 40 w 38 married 15 together 18 d11, d8 bomb 12/19/10 2nd bomb 3/30/11 COMPLETELY DONE
