Recovering after a same sex affair

[sparks14]

just listen

validate her anger and feelings of betrayal

apologize for telling your parents (I would leave out the whole part about telling them 1st...honestly, this is YOUR marriage...your parents don't need to know anything that is your business, really)

I wouldn't take notes...I would be irked if I were trying to talk and someone was taking notes instead of listening

apologize for snooping in her email
Certainly use your therapist's approach but never put a but in there

I am sorry I broke into your email account. I was terrified I was losing you and was trying to find something, anything, to give me clues as to what was going on.

I was wrong

I should have asked you and then really listened to your answers.

I broke your trust by snooping through your private things and that was wrong.


I have no idea why she would ask if you have copies and I have no idea why you would keep copies unless you are planning to do something vindictive with them

Thanks Figg! Great advice. Those are the exact thoughts that I wanted to get across.

My therapist also mentioned that I may want to use a word other then betrayal from now on. He mentioned that it has a very negative connection to it and that I use the word avoidance instead. We all avoided the truth. I voided telling her of the affair and emails. She avoided telling me of the affair. I really don't know about this advice. Seems like wordsmithing to me.

Copies are only there in case the very worst happens. W and I have agreed that if the end were to happen, we would keep things very pleasant through mediation and go 50/50 with custody. If things were to get ugly, and my W really wanted to make the D ugly, they are my only evidence of the affair. Trust me. I do not want to use them. I want to burn them with my wife after we reconcile. D is the furthest thing from my mind, and I am petrified at the thought. In the end, it is only there for protection of my son and I. No vindictive feelings in my head.