As the Bolt Turns

[Bolt]

LIS, there isn't like ONE thing that caused this. The only thing I can think of differently of what happened between this morning and now is I asked her about this weird workout contraption I saw. It was a mask that is used to measure your anabolic rate or whatever.

I saw something in the newspaper this morning and asked her about it. She said, what are you going through my stuff? I said, umm...no, I just saw it a few days back and wondered what it was. She wasn't defensive but it did seem odd.

I KNOW the move is weighing on her. It's expensive. We're short selling our house so basically minus retirement, we have zero savings. My salary went from mid 6 figures to under 6 figures. We're moving back to a place where my work really isn't. It's her hometown. She has tons of friends there.

Am I too naive to something? Am I losing myself so much in my W that I don't know who I am anymore?

Here's my take. I want us to work. For so many years, I've been the one driving this train and now it's her turn. My career is on hold - for now but possibly permanently. Right now I'M FINE with that.

I'm really at a loss.

When I said, "Let her go." I meant for now. I really don't think I'll make it if I do that. I hear others that are going through it and I don't think I have the fortitude to deal with it. That would mean, career on hold, not see my kids AND not live with the person I love.

Gotta tell ya, I can't do that. That is my limit. It's simply too much all at once. I would rather clean break and "start over".

That's NOT what I want at all. I guess the "do whatever it takes" attitude has to include some sort of contact with both my kids and my W. If I can't have that, I can't continue...