Wife of 6-years Wants a Divorce - pt 2

[spellfire]

I am a big advocate of men rediscovering their masculinity. Many men start out strong and independent in the eyes of their wife, then after so many years, respect is lost as they learn that the man they married is not the infallible white knight they first thought.

This is why when I see a man post a situation with all the symptoms of lost respect, I advocate focusing on oneself, becoming more decisive, setting boundaries, and so on. Basically working on being more masculine and assertive.

The difficuly lies in getting the man to look at themself and see that they have become beaten down (by life, their R, their situation etc). To pick themself up, forgive themself for past mistakes, and discover the man they can become.

By this I do not mean becoming a jerk. What it means is to learn to truly love and respect yourself. As cliched as it sounds, you cannot expect someone to love and respect you if you do not love and respect yourself. When you TRULY work on you and stop focusing on her and how to fix your connection to each other, THEN there is the possibility she will realize what she is losing.

How?

* Physical: Lift weights, run, join a martial art. This releases stress, and helps you cope. It also shows you respect yourself enough to take care of yourself, and makes you perceivably more attractive, whether your body changes or not.

* Attitude: Positive, confident, decisive, cool calm manner of dealing with everyday things.

* Boundaries: Assertive, NOT aggressive. Not letting anyone push you around. Enforcing in a measured way, almost professional and never angry. Straight to the point and honest.

* Unapologetic/consistent in action: What I mean by this is that you are not continually saying sorry for something then repeating the behavior. Better to change the behavior than apologize and keep doing it.

* Self-assuredness: Truly believing it is her loss. Living life as such. Instead of chasing her, letting go so that she must chase. Realizing that although completely counter-intuitive, pursuit is not the answer. Deciding once and for all to show yourself the ultimate respect of never chasing after someone that does not reciprocate those feelings.

* Inner-strength: Looking deep down and finding the part of you that says (and believes) "I can handle anything that comes my way" and "I am going to do what is right" and "my kids deserve the best I can do".

The challenge is not in mastering the relationship, it is in mastering onesself.

SF