MNIZ Your absolutely right. I think that filing for a D right now would be a reaction. I cannot honestly say that I am 100% done. I don't even WANT a separation, let alone a divorce and me filing right now would be acting out of anger and hopelessness. And even though he is saying that he wants a D, I think that me filing would make him very upset; sort of like, "i knew she didn't really care about this marriage." However, if he files, I will not fight him on it or give him a hard time.
PEI thanks so much for your response. How do I know that I am not just concluding that he is in crisis mode so that I have an excuse to stay. If I admitted that he was just being a selfish a**hole then I wouldn't have an reason to stay. I have been trying to GAL. Some days its easier than others. Its difficult for me battling both this situation and depression. I try to focus on my academics but its so hard to concentrate at times. I have started working out again, trying to eat healthier. Ive been hanging out with friends and fam and more importantly I just started allowing them to support me. (I am very private and withdrawn usually). Getting a job would also help a great deal but its a bit rough out there right now. Ive had little luck.
I believe that me being out of work for the last year has put a significant strain on my marriage. This is the first time that my husband has been 100% responsible for all of the bills since weve been married and I don't think he handled it well. I'm hoping to find a job soon but I haven't been as proactive as I normally would have been.
You said the most important thing; loving without expectations. Everyday I keep telling myself that I can not expect anything from him; absolutely nothing. It's hard, but I am getting better at it.
And your so right, he will have to deal with the aftershocks of his antics. So embarrassed for him though.
