My Story - He Cheated while I was Pregnant

[AJM80]

Your comment about your husband really made me laugh. Mine asked last week if he could sleep on the couch one night to wake up the kids the next morn...in the words of a dear friend "seriously? Your house isn't sleep away camp!"

And you are so right about posting here vs texting. It's so hard not to just send a text or email, especially with pics of the kids.

I'm feeling good - life is such an amazing gift. With him, I have an amazing future. Without him, I have a million ways my life could go. Either way, I'll be the best mom I can be and keep trying to be the best me I can be.

It seriously needs to stop snowing 6 inches a week, though!

[wanda15]

I am getting tired of the snow too. It wet and it makes me cold. I am more of a summer kinds girl.

Glad you are feeling good. It really does help you get through each day much easier. I am doing the same as you. Trying to be the best mom I can. 4 kids plus a spare one right now can be a little trying somedays. But all the teenagers in the house have been helpful and much more relaxed since H left.

Keep smiling and don't forget to laugh everyday too.

[ironMan]

Hi AJM. I just read your thread .... and my heart pours out to you.

I'm not even as far down the road as you ... but we're all here for you. Remember that we all go down this road together. When your spouse abandons you .... you feel SOOOO ALONE. Or at least a lot of us do. But, we're all in this together.

[AJM80]

Thanks! I felt so devastated in the beginning, but quickly realized I need to let go of my anger, no matter how this turns out. When the OW pops into my head, I still get mad. When I think of the damage to my kids, I feel sad and angry. Mostly, I feel sorry for my husband. We weren't perfect, but we were pretty good together and life had blessed us. He's started to miss us and appreciate us a little more, so I am trying to stay strong and not start a fight, dramatic convo, or try tell him what to do. Last night he cam over early and we didn't talk much about anything. He fed the baby, did a load of his laundry, carried some stuff up to the attic for me, and offered to pack the car for my trip (delayed due to the blizzard). He commented on how quickly it was time for him to go, but that he couldn't delay since the weather was getting worse. He asked me to delay the trip at least a few hours for safety, but was very sure to say he wasn't trying to tell me what to do.

I do need stronger boundaries. He wanted me to not put my/kids laundry in, so that he could do his? And he kept walking away from the baby to see to his laundry, get food/drink/bathroom. The baby can crawl, so this was not cool to do without telling me or putting him in his bouncy seat.

1 step - I got the ILYNILWY around the same time you did, be strong. The thing is, he does love you. Guys like to think they can turn it on or off with a switch sometimes, but that's what they tell you and themselves to stop the hurting and justify what they do.

I think I am going to wash the kids up and get on the road today - otherwise I am going to spin a silly story in my head of us getting snowed in and rescued by husband, leading to a long talk and magical reconciliation overnight.

[AJM80]

Ha! Another blizzard and kids picked up a bug from cousins. We're warm and safe, most important, but tired of "doing this alone" - both parenting and caring for kids/house/etc and being the only one who seems to care about the marriage. A night without a throwing up kid will prob turn my mood around.

We took family photos while I visited. Got all the grandkids and some other shots. I sent husband a few of them, so he'd see how well the kids did. See how big our nephews are, etc. I love these pictures. My parents and everyone are adorable and so happy. Well, H put the pic with me and 2 kids up as his wallpaper on comp at work, told me when I asked which was his fav, said I hope that's not too weird, but it was just such a joyful pic...

I said "that's kind of sweet, the picture makes me happy too". Right thing? I dunno.

[AJM80]

Ok, so valentine's day has never really been a big holiday for me...this year I decided to go all out for the kids. I dressed them up, did silly little things through the day, we even took some candy/cards to a nursing home. And it was a pretty good day. H came over for dinner with the kids and brought me a thoughtful gift from them. He made a comment about not having gotten anything for V day...I dunno if that means he's not with the OW anymore or if she just didnt get him a gift. The kids and I had made sugar cookies and gave him a little Valentine from them.

We're not broke yet, but really struggling with running two households. He's stressed about that, but being pretty good to me. I hate that all of our past successes and smart decisions are going down the tubes. I may have to go back to my job, which was not the plan, but thankful that it is an option to go back post baby 2.

He did the dishes after dinner and played with the kids. Nothing romantic or reconnecting, but it was a nice visit. My little ones love their dad and I'm glad he's being a better person for them.

[wanda15]

Sounds like you v-day wasn't to bad. Hope everything else with you is going good. Keep doing what you are doing. Things can get better.

[AJM80]

Oh, no, I'm an idiot and have to own up to it. He called last night to say he cannot come tonight to see the kids, as planned. Work is too hectic - he'd get here 30 min before bedtime. So he says, what if I come spend the day on Monday since he has President's Day off. A week between visits? A week between times I get a break from these two little crazy balls? AND - it's not like he works late Friday night or at all on sat/sunday.

Lol - I guess I should be greatful he didn't call to tell me he was engaged/she's pregnant, like Kelsey Grammar. Or that he'd been to an atty and filed for divorce and was I around to get the papers served.

I'm making assumptions and getting my hopes up, time to go back to staying busy...which is really why V-day was fun...we did fun things and I wasn't obsessing over WHAT HE IS DOING ON SATURDAYs that is so much more important than seeing the kids. Probably because I am assuming "what" is a "who".

I think I'll pull out my bucket list and go do something this weekend. Maybe we'll drive to Niagara Falls. Nothing like 14 hours in the car to get yourself to stop thinking, right?

[AJM80]

Well, I'm on a bit of a roll today. I texted just now and asked (in more neutral language) if he was bummed about not getting a valentine gift because he didn't have a valentine or because he didn't get a gift. Yes, part of me wants to know if he is still with OW (and if yes, that she blew him off and no-gifted). But I also want to know if he expected me to get him something more from the kids. Daughter made sugar cookies and we gave him 2 little valentines like you'd give at school. I would have gotten him something from the kids, like he did for me, if I knew that was the expectation. (Like, I'll do for his bday/fathers day/christmas, until the kids can do it on their own). Valentine's day was always a pretty low key holiday, I figured he got me something nicer since he blew off our anniv and christmas (I acknowledged both with something, but didn't make a big deal out of it)

[ironMan]

AJM80 .... the guy that left his wife after cheating on her when she was pregnant feels bad he didn't get a valentine's day present?

Awwww. lol

Feel some consequences, buddy.

Its not your job to make him feel happy and you shouldn't feel the need to meet any expectation of his right now in my estimation.

As long as you thanked him for the gift and let him know you appreciated it (if you did appreciate it that is) ... I think you did fine.