Lost, hurt and scared ...

[MeMyselfandI]

OK, I'm at a crossroads and in need of advice desperately. I had a great night with S last night, spent an hour helping him with homework, watched some hockey and went up to cuddle prior to bed. Well, he spilled the beans but not without some convincing and assurances from me that I wouldn't tell anyone. Well, no big surprises, S doesn't like OW, he thinks she is trying to buy all of them (this came about because the first night she came over after H told them he was dating her, she showed up with Valentines for all of them and bought all kinds of B-day presents for our D). S went on to list a whole host of things he doesn’t like about her which is basically everything and said he doesn't want to spend time with her. He's afraid to tell H so he just tells him he's fine with it as long as they know she is never gonna be his Mom. S is also upset that D seems to be buying into the OW so easily but really, I can rationalize this. She is an 11 year old girl with attitude and can likely relate to the OW quite easily because of her age. She doesn’t get disciplined or told what to do by OW and therefore can have more of a “friend/older sibling” relationship with OW. I'm sure when the hard stuff comes down, this too will fizzle.

H sent me a text and I got it just before S and I talked. He asked that I let him know if I figure anything out about S. I wrote back just saying we hadn't talked about anything, just did homework and watched hockey and that I reassured S that he could say anything to both H and I and that he needed to do that so we can help him. This was part of my conversation with S as well but he reiterated that he was afraid to tell H these things.

This isn't the biggest worry I have as I think I have a solid plan on how to handle it. I'm not going to say anything to H so as to not break the trust of S. I think S needs that right now and I also think once the honeymoon of this new relationship wears down things will not be as rosy as they think they are right now. The relationship between H and S is theirs to figure out and I don’t feel it’s my place to step in to help it.

Now, on to where I need advice on how to proceed. It ends up, D went to H's hockey game last night. S told me she was going when I picked him up and I had it confirmed this morning as my boarder and another co-worker were doing the time clock for the game. It is a school night, they didn't get off the ice till 10:45 pm which means she wouldn't have been home and in bed till about 11:30 pm. We had just received an email from her teacher on Friday explaining that she was struggling in school, recently got 46% on a math test and 40% on a science test and needs to buckle down. Teacher did say he didn't think the work was too hard for her but she just wasn't applying good studying techniques and was hesitant to ask questions when she doesn't understand things.

Needless to say, I’m upset. She has a Math test today! This is totally irresponsible as far as I’m concerned and I think he is starting to make some bad parenting decisions. It puts light on some things, (i.e. D enjoys spending time at H’s more than my place) – duh, she gets away with things that she would never get away with at my house, such as staying up till 11:30 pm on a school night. So, I want to confront him; however I’m wondering what good it is going to do? I know it will make him angry and is that what I really want to accomplish? I know he’ll already know that I’m aware and what good will saying anything do? The damage has already been done; our 11 year old D is already in school writing her math test. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.