I'm sorry your wife didn't take all your heartfelt handcrafted pieces with her... It's her loss, IMHO. I struggle with letting things (literally) go sometimes, because I grew being sentimentally attached to certain things. Not that I'm a pack rat, mind you. But sentimental I am about certain things my wife and I have had over the years or even months.
It's sad that my wife still thinks I'm addicted to porn, and that I always will be. She made a comment about it earlier in the evening today. Now that, my friends -- porn addiction to be exact - is something your spouse will probably never be able to see no matter how much you LRT or 180, because it's such a secretive vice that, in order for a spouse to actually see changes in you, s/he will be required to let their guard down and open up their hearts. However, this is where I have and need to put my faith and trust in God. I just have to be willing to surrender...i.e. Let His will be done.
Pardon moi for being a tad bit more pessimistic than usual, but what a bloody croc of a Valentine's Day today. I had a great time with our son, but my wife was mostly very cold to deal with. Maybe she was having a lousy V-Day too. Who knows?
I can definately see how it would be hard to believe someone saying that they have given up porn. For myself if my H said to me he was done with it I do think I would probably think he was lying. It is a really tough one to prove. I don't think it is even something that should be discussed between you 2 right now. She is just finding more reasons to end the marriage. All you can do is be true to yourself with this. As long as you know you are working on it and doing your best, that is all that matters.
I am glad V-day is over. It looks like yours wasn't that great either. Good to see you had a fun time with your S though. Keep DBing. You are doing great.
Me:35, 2 kids from PR H: 37, 2 kids with me T: 15 years M: 8 years in Feb. Second walk out: 14-01-2011 H had PA: 2007
It's sad that my wife still thinks I'm addicted to porn, and that I always will be. She made a comment about it earlier in the evening today. Now that, my friends -- porn addiction to be exact - is something your spouse will probably never be able to see no matter how much you LRT or 180, because it's such a secretive vice that, in order for a spouse to actually see changes in you, s/he will be required to let their guard down and open up their hearts. However, this is where I have and need to put my faith and trust in God. I just have to be willing to surrender...i.e. Let His will be done.
Pardon moi for being a tad bit more pessimistic than usual, but what a bloody croc of a Valentine's Day today. I had a great time with our son, but my wife was mostly very cold to deal with. Maybe she was having a lousy V-Day too. Who knows?
Alamo, one the reasons my W wanted the D is because she caught me watching porn one day. The thing being that i started going that route just recently because our relationship was drying out and somehow my W and I were never able to confront it and make it better.
In the whole scheme of things i would say don't worry about this one aspect.
Regarding valentine's day, I would say feel good that you had your time with your son. My daughter and W live with her parents about 250miles from my place and i somehow was expecting that my W would make my daughter call up. This morning i tried to dismiss those expectations too. As i said, detachment brings peace into your life that you will need so much.
BITS M 38 W 36 D 7 Married 15 yrs W left for 6 months in 2009 W Filed for D 01/03/11 piecing now...
I can definately see how it would be hard to believe someone saying that they have given up porn. For myself if my H said to me he was done with it I do think I would probably think he was lying. It is a really tough one to prove. I don't think it is even something that should be discussed between you 2 right now. She is just finding more reasons to end the marriage. All you can do is be true to yourself with this. As long as you know you are working on it and doing your best, that is all that matters.
I am glad V-day is over. It looks like yours wasn't that great either. Good to see you had a fun time with your S though. Keep DBing. You are doing great.
Hey Wanda! Funny how we're commenting on each others thread; I just left you one of yours.
If you read up on my posts from the past two weeks, you'd see that she is getting herself ready to leave and initiate divorce. Even as recent as last night did she told me she's not married to me anymore. I wonder why then if she said she's truly done, does she bring up porn over and over? Because besides being a constant thorn in her flesh (as in a pain point), I guess she is trying to remind herself (self-validation) why she wants a divorce. It's a mental roadblock to any kind of positive discourse, IMHO.
Yes, I too am glad Valentine's Day of 2011 is history. I will keep working on my DBing and hope that perhaps 2012's will have my wife in the picture. To be honest, I still have a lot of DB kinks to work out.
Alamo, one the reasons my W wanted the D is because she caught me watching porn one day. The thing being that i started going that route just recently because our relationship was drying out and somehow my W and I were never able to confront it and make it better.
In the whole scheme of things i would say don't worry about this one aspect.
Regarding valentine's day, I would say feel good that you had your time with your son. My daughter and W live with her parents about 250miles from my place and i somehow was expecting that my W would make my daughter call up. This morning i tried to dismiss those expectations too. As i said, detachment brings peace into your life that you will need so much.
I have a question for ya, Karma: did you and your wife agree to mutually agree on how to raise your daughter after the separation/divorce? My wife told me when she first annonced the separation that she'd like for us to be able to discuss and agree together on our son's life, etc. I'm just wondering why your wife is holding y'all's daughter from just calling you even on Valentine's Day.
Alamo, one the reasons my W wanted the D is because she caught me watching porn one day. The thing being that i started going that route just recently because our relationship was drying out and somehow my W and I were never able to confront it and make it better.
In the whole scheme of things i would say don't worry about this one aspect.
Regarding valentine's day, I would say feel good that you had your time with your son. My daughter and W live with her parents about 250miles from my place and i somehow was expecting that my W would make my daughter call up. This morning i tried to dismiss those expectations too. As i said, detachment brings peace into your life that you will need so much.
I have a question for ya, Karma: did you and your wife agree to mutually agree on how to raise your daughter after the separation/divorce? My wife told me when she first annonced the separation that she'd like for us to be able to discuss and agree together on our son's life, etc. I'm just wondering why your wife is holding y'all's daughter from just calling you even on Valentine's Day.
Hey Alamo: Yup, we did agree on raising our daughter by being friends after the divorce. Both of us agreed that we should not have any fights in our divorce process. I do feel like i made more concessions than her, but i am okay with those. I did not use a lawyer. Just last weekend we finalized our asset splitting and custody issues. The discussions went very smooth and there were even some jokes. So now my W's lawyer will draft up a new divorce petition. My W and I will review it and if everything looks okay, we'll sign the papers. I hate doing this, but i gotta do it to show her i am willing to let go of her so she can go and look for the "happiness" that she's craving so much.
For the valentine's day, I think it must have been quite awkward for my W too to make my daughter call me up. If that happened, then there would be awkward expectation of us talking. I guess that's why she did not make that call. At-least that's what i am telling myself. You know i've heard stories about spouses using kids to inflict pain on the other spouse. I am still not buying that about my wife.
BITS M 38 W 36 D 7 Married 15 yrs W left for 6 months in 2009 W Filed for D 01/03/11 piecing now...
You're probably right about the V-Day thing, Karma. In my opinion, it just strikes me as something any parent would try to instill in their children about showing affection to people they love. I think it's more pronounced for certain parents who are going through a separation or divorce to vicariously teach their kids to show love, because the parent didn't receive that kind of love themselves. I'm guilty of doing it, because I've made it a point to teach my son how to properly love and respect any person you love, more so on Valentine's. So it's just interesting to me that your wife, probably knowing that you and your daughter have a 'daddy's girl' bond, didn't see it fit to call, send a little hand-made valentine or something.
You're probably right about the V-Day thing, Karma. In my opinion, it just strikes me as something any parent would try to instill in their children about showing affection to people they love. I think it's more pronounced for certain parents who are going through a separation or divorce to vicariously teach their kids to show love, because the parent didn't receive that kind of love themselves. I'm guilty of doing it, because I've made it a point to teach my son how to properly love and respect any person you love, more so on Valentine's. So it's just interesting to me that your wife, probably knowing that you and your daughter have a 'daddy's girl' bond, didn't see it fit to call, send a little hand-made valentine or something.
For more than year i found that my W stopped doing the stuff for me that she used to. I've slowly learnt to be happy with what i was getting. Otherwise i found myself to be sad because i was setting up expectations. So that's why it did not bother me much yesterday. What did bother me was the decision that i took to not wish my W anything. Somehow i kept feeling bad. I have never not wished her on V day for the 11 years we have been together
BITS M 38 W 36 D 7 Married 15 yrs W left for 6 months in 2009 W Filed for D 01/03/11 piecing now...
