Abbey, I agree with BM. My marriage is broken, but not because I had an affair, but something that also deeply attacks a woman's self-worth, pride and ability to trust -- I had a porn addiction that spanned on and off for 6 years. My wife was living a life not very different from yours. I took advantage of the fact that she was indeed still with me, that she would hold up to her vows, while I stubbornly kept lying to her and returning each time to porn. I still took care of things at home, worked, loved spending time with my son, made love, date... But my mind and heart weren't COMPLETELY there, you know what I mean? Addictions, affairs or other vices do distract one away from commitment, improvement and strengthening oneself, his/her family, and his/her religious relationship.
Do what you think is right to keep your standards or boundaries, Abbey. BM wrote about unconditional love - if you need to take drastic measures to regain your standards, do so. One thing I might add though: if you feel your husband and marriage is important to you, don't forget to come back after you've recovered your former self before all the crap happened. What I mean is, well, take my wife for instance. She practiced unconditional love for me, but when she decided she needed to regain her standards back and left, she has enjoyed that freedom so much, she hasn't turned back. The irony is when she told me she wanted a separation, only then did I truly made changes and improved my life. In my situation, she keeps telling me it's too little too late. I pray and hope every day that we can start fresh.
