Yes ScaredInCanada... In my experience... Most everything my W said really meant, "I just want to be with someone else and I don't give a $ who is affected, oh and you can have the kids anytime (every weekend lol) because I'll be free then to live my fantasy lifestyle"
Don't think for a second she'll keep her word, mine never did. If I had to do this over I would have hauled but to get it done... The longer they think about it the more they see, oops I didn't think of that, oops I forgot that will coat money, every oops will cost you more cash. Mine didn't think about the big picture, she was so focused on just getting out of the marriage, she never took the time to figure what it would really cost her. NOW she is out to make up for her mistake by squeezing every last penny out of me. I can tell you mine COULD CARE LESS how or if I will contnue on financially.
Do your best to keep a good relationship, piss her off and she will stop at nothing to break you and take as much as possible... Mine is pissed major! After the loss at the first hearing... OMG... 10x worse now.
BeingMe I have decided the only option is to let her go. I am shocked at how any parent, mother/father can be so uncaring/uninterested toward a child that is part of them. It's such a shame!
In my W's case, I think after she had the first child she quickly realized she really didn't want children, certainly not 3 or 4. Now she has a chance to be somewhat free from the chaos and boredom... And live a more exciting life, one she feels she missed out on. She has no intrest in being more involved and doesn't see that she is missing out a limited opportunity to love, hug, snuggle, nurture, bond with her children. At any rate her loss is my gain. My kids are not really with her now even when they are with her... She is so focused on her life, the OMen.
I am confident when my kids are able to choose, it will be me they would choose to live with... Though I'm sure the W will use some method to pursuade them so she can recieve $ or not pay $ to me.
I don't even know her! I truly have grown to dislike her.
Yes ScaredInCanada... In my experience... Most everything my W said really meant, "I just want to be with someone else and I don't give a $ who is affected, oh and you can have the kids anytime (every weekend lol) because I'll be free then to live my fantasy lifestyle"
Don't think for a second she'll keep her word, mine never did. If I had to do this over I would have hauled but to get it done... The longer they think about it the more they see, oops I didn't think of that, oops I forgot that will coat money, every oops will cost you more cash. Mine didn't think about the big picture, she was so focused on just getting out of the marriage, she never took the time to figure what it would really cost her. NOW she is out to make up for her mistake by squeezing every last penny out of me. I can tell you mine COULD CARE LESS how or if I will contnue on financially.
Do your best to keep a good relationship, piss her off and she will stop at nothing to break you and take as much as possible... Mine is pissed major! After the loss at the first hearing... OMG... 10x worse now.
That's my fear for sure. I don't believe she is lieing to me, but I don't think she realizes how much much she is going to need to do it all on her own. Just yesterday she was taking the girls out to buy a gift as both my older D's have birthday parties to goto. She says to me, "I really don't have the money to pay for it" so of course she asks me to give her the money. Which is fine of course.
I think your right, the more civil and nice you make things the less chance she's going to want to gouge me. In the end though she's likely going to do what's best for her with little regard for me. She's already showing that by wanting out of the M.
Me - 34 W - 33 M - 8 years T - 15 years D7, D5, D2 Bomb Nov 10/2010 "I'm not happy and INILWY" W Staying for the kids Mar 13/2011
It is truly discusting the way she treats me. I am a father raising 4 children with little help from her and paying her child support so she can drop our children off at a babysitter on the rare occassions she has them.
The worst part is she had humiliated me for holding on and now plans to crucify me for moving on. How in God's name can she show NO MERCY to a man who has only defended against her attacks... A man who was loyal and good to her... A man who is a great father handling a great responsibility... A man that she wronged? Lord please tell me how!?
She says leaving me is the best thing she ever did, that she should have done it sooner, but loved our children (the ones she refuses to see more of). She says she is with another man and he treats her well and has his life together. I too treated her well and have my life together... I guess he's screwed!
This is all about her Dad. Your feelings don't even cross her mind, her kids' welfare beyond a vague caring don't either. That's why she's able to toss off such hurtful comments.
She is indifferent at best, totally focused on her needs, feelings and desires. She's looking at the short term, small picture. You're looking at the long term , big picture.
Have you taken a look over at the Mid Life Crisis forum? You might want to look over the resources list, to see if it fits your wife.
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
I just got a call that broke my heart! D6's school just called, the counselor wanted to tell me D came to them with a tummy ache (from stressing out), said she was crying and told them she was sad that mommy moved out, misses mommy and doesn't see her much. Apparently she said she was upset about it last night, cried in her bed and didn't get much sleep. She is quiet, so for her to say that means she was really hurting. I do ask her if everything is ok and give her chances to tell me if things are bothering her, but she always says things are ok... Counselor says that is typical because they want to be strong for there parents and not disappoint them. I'm so sad my poor baby.
I explained that I have tried to have mom see her more, but she has refused my offers. W doesn't call at all either, so we agreed she would at least do that more. I explained the situation was complicated and told her I did not wish to go into detail, because the main concern was D. Asked if there was a class we could take me & D to help her through this... Gonna get info on a class for kids having similar issues.
Ya know... Never saw a problem... We play alot, laugh alot, cuddle, tickle everything... Not a word... Really thought she was doing better than she apparently is. Gonna talk to all the kids. Maybe a little one on one time with each to give them a chance to vent.
A small update re the pretrial... Wife wanted half $ from house, half $ from my IRA, wanted me to pay off the remaining 21,000 van... There is like 36,000 in my pension 5,000 in hers... She said if you really want me out of your pension pay me the full 36,000 cash without any penalty and we can end this. Her half minus her pension is 15,500. Plus she want me to pay her whole car loan myself. She has indicated I will pay her or she will screw with my pension. The pretrial was yesterday, I was shocked at her greed... It is honestly like dealing with a deranged lunatic... And the look on her face... Seriously... RAGE!
Then this today with my D, I thought she would come around and at least consider ending things peacefully... Does not look like she's interested. I don't get her anger at this point... Even when faced with your child breaking down.
W asked me to go through our photos to give her... She requested that I remove all photos of her and I together, she said I don't want any photos of you! This type of conduct / request seems just unreal! Who asks for such things... You would think she want some photos of our life together... Maybe a couple of the father of her FOUR children just to show our kids one day. I just said no problem and did so.
my poor baby.