Need Advice!! Not sure on next move? Part 2

[Firstlove]

Good post Valentine's day everyone, I hope it was a good day for all and yes Valentine's Day is very tough for all of us going thru either separation or divorce.

Could someone please tell me what BITS stands for ?

I am taking the DB coaching and my coach is wonderful. She has been away on vacation for a while so I could not pose this question to her - which was - should I make any effort or contact on Valentine's Day to my W who simply refuses to talk about anything related to our M or any type of reconciliation - it is a NON-TOPIC - and she has said so. Actually her words were "I am not talking about this do not bring it up"

So with that attitude, I am in a quandary for sure. I decided yesterday to send her a note along with a copy of a poem that she had framed many years ago and given to me as a present. The poem hangs on our bathroom wall and I read it every day and have for the past 5 months. So in that my W gave it to me, I thought I would give it to her for VD Day - its a message of hope for the future, and friendship.

I would appreciate everyone's thoughts on if I did the right thing in giving her this poem, that she gave to me. Here it is - the words in ( ) are in the poem also.

The Ten Secrets of a Successful Relationship

-Having a wonderful partner (Which I do)
- Communicating (We try. And we'll get better)
- Being intimately involved in one another's lives (Open honest, touching, together. The closer we are the more secure I feel.)
- Being happy as individuals. ( And bringing goo things to the relationship from both directions.)

-Reaching out for dreams together (One of mine already came true: you)
- Always being there for one another (Always)
-Overlooking the few flaws (But cherishing the thousands of things that are so wonderful.)

-Remembering that rainbows follow rain (Which I'll never forget as long as I have you)

-Always sharing (Friends, families, dreams, desires. Weaving together the fabric of our lives.)
- And always caring ("Always" is a long, long time. But "always" is how I want our relationship to be.... with us loving one another, and happy and giving and as thankful as any two people could be"

and she signed in Love Always W

My W gave that poem in framed picture about 15 years ago. It breaks my heart to even write out those words because that is what her hopes and dreams were for our marriage and I messed it up big time. I am not saying that she does not have her own issues and challenges, she does, but our marriage failure is predominantly my fault. The words of the poem reflect my heart's desire, and I expressed that in a letter to her, apologizing with heartfelt sorrow for all the mistakes I have made and asking for her forgiveness, and a chance to build a new marriage founded on the rock of Christ in our lives. I told her that the poem was not a hope, but rather a prayer for our future, if we can have one. I sent that poem, and note along with some roses to her house and it was there when she arrived home from work.

In her typical fashion of communication, there was no reply, at least not yesterday nor this morning. I will be shocked to my core if she replies at all, even to acknowledge her receipt of the flowers. This is how she deals with things that she does not want to deal with, she simply ignores them and its like it never happened. After 35 years of knowing my W, I know that the next time we talk, which may be this week or two weeks from now, not sure because contact is left up to her, she will not even mention that she has the poem or the letter from me.

I know that many of us on here are on a one-way street, that being the other spouse does not have any interest in re-building a new marriage and wants out. This is my situation. In Michele's book DB - she said something that so strikes a cord with me -and that is -you (who are reading this book) are going to have to do this hard work of DB ALONE - it is almost impossible for both spouses to come to the desire for reconciliation at the same time, one of you has to start it and do the hard work and have perseverance and tolerance and hope while the other spouse has zero desire to build a future with you. Michele in her book said "Its not fair - get used to it - get to work". That is my circumstance in spades here - my W has zero interest in building a future and in fact takes all actions to the contrary - telling me to "give up - quit trying - there is no hope". My only response to that consistent message from her is the words of Winston Churchill of:

NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER - GIVE UP

Those words are on a plaque on my desk, right beside the picture of my W and I in happier times. I will NEVER give up on us, and she already has. Not easy days and nights I can assure you.

So, just getting started with the day here, thought I would share my Valentines Day with you and wonder what your thoughts are.

Should I have sent the poem to her that she sent to me, or have remained silent and let the day pass with no contact whatsoever.

Have a good day all
FL