I get mixed messages from H (at least I think they are mixed), so I'm not sure if he's in crisis mode or not.
I'd posted the following on another thread.
I think S_C and I have been through similar stuff. I kept "taking him back" because I love him and I couldn't envision giving up on my marriage and breaking my vows.
Then the distance became so severe, I suggested I leave. I kept thinking it couldn't be worse than it was- totally ignored emotionally by my H.
I regrouped and wanted to move forward, but the damage was done. Unbeknownst to me, he was planning his escape. He told his sister he left before he got hurt. He was confused. He didn't know if he could make me happy. He acted as if he hated me after he dropped the ILYbut bomb. The OW appeared, and I think the female vultures are as bad as the males.
A mutual friend said "I hope you work it out, but if there is an A, that's a deal breaker." I said no it's not. He looked floored, but I told him I still love H, and there was no reason to not work on a new marriage with H. I don't see that as being a doormat. If others see as that, who cares? I'd have be with the man I love, and hopefully creating a wonderful marriage with him. It's my life, not theirs.
I think I'm acting As If, and detaching, and GAL. He comes by occasionally, we text occasionally. Not sure what else I should be doing. No R talks since early December - he know I want to work on the marriage, and he said the door wasn't shut. I'm truly in limbo, not sure if I should be packing up to leave the house bec it will need to sell if we D. Wondering where I'll be in 6 months. No talk of filing from him, even though I expected it Jan 1. The longer he delays, the longer I have to work on me, and maybe he'll come around.
OW is still in picture, not sure if EA, PA or just a friend. I don't think it's PA yet.
H is being responsible as far as getting another rental unit rented and renovated. It seems strange not to be involved in that, as I have for 25+ years. I can't even go by to see progress, as he took all the keys to the units when he moved out. I've wondered if I should offer to help with the cleaning, as it's something I've always done.
When he picked up mail Sat, he made several strange comments. He wondered if I'd been paying all the bills, and what I was doing with his junk mail. I told him that things were being paid, and that I'd been shredding junk mail. He'd told me early on he didn't need to deal with the junk; when I thought he might be MLC, I didn't want to give him cc apps! So I gave him what hadn't been shredded. I wonder if he isn't trusting me now? This convo occurred after he'd spent a lot of time talking to OW, so just makes me wonder what is up with them. I guess if I was truly detached, I wouldn't care?
