Today's journal - slightly hung over. W and I had *way* too much wine last night
W and I talked for several hours last night. She talked about her depression (which I totally understood, having been there myself), her job, us. Wow, I've never just listened and validated so much. I think I'm getting the hang of it! As a guy I generally want to offer advice or fix things, but I'm starting to see how the listening really brings people closer.
I did make one mistake at the end of the night, DB-wise. After pouring out her heart to me all evening, I told her just before she went to bed that I loved her. She gave me a half-smile, turned and walked into her bedroom. I know she's not in a place where she can reciprocate and it's a bit pressuring and I know she probably already knows how I feel. Maybe I'll blame it on the wine.
One thing she did say last night is that she worries that she'll come around to wanting me back and I'll have moved on. I don't remember what I said, probably just a knowing nod and a 'yeah'. It felt good knowing that this is a concern for her. I know I've had that worry before, which is one reason I didn't want to get my own apartment in the first place. I still waver from time to time, but in my heart I know we'll be together.
As much as I want for our R and M to work out, I want her to heal even more, no matter what it means to our R. I think that's the hardest part right now, knowing that this is a journey she needs to make alone.
Me 43 W 38 M 5 T 7 SD20 S15, S13 with 1st W ILYBNILWY June 2010 Separation/Bomb July 2010 Divorce Feb 8, 2011
