Shine on you crazy diamond...

[FellOnBlackDays]

Ironman,
Thanks for sharing that with us. I think it is very special that your father is there for you like that. I can't tell you how much I wish my father were here right now to help me. He always had the best advice. On the other hand, I am glad that he is not here. I would hate for him to see what a mess I have made of my marriage. He loved my W from the first day I brought her around the family. On the day he died, was pretty heavily medicated for pain and could not really string together a solid thought or speak very well. But as we were trying to get him settled in his bed at the hospital, my W walked in. Out of the blue, he perked up, smiled and told her "Hey, sweetheart." We all paused for a minute because he seemed to be out of it for most of that morning. Yet, all of a sudden he recognized her and spoke aloud. Many others had come through the room to say their goodbye's and he never even seemed to know they were there. Later that day, he passed quietly in his sleep from a long bout with cancer. My W still cries today when we talk about that moment. It really was the last logical words he spoke on that day before he died. Everything else was just a jumble of words coming from the mind of man that was under "hospice" level pain medication.

I don't think he would approve of the job I have done with my marriage or the way I have treated her. Man, I have some serious work to do...

I want to finish with this:

Dad, mom is doing well. She loves you with all her heart and we did everything we could today to make her feel loved. I will not let her be alone and scared. You have my word on that as your son. I love you, dad. Wherever you are tonight, please hear my call. Please forgive me for what I have done. Please forgive me for not loving my W the way you taught me a man should. I feel like I have failed you. I am not the man I thought I was and I might spend the rest of my life paying for it. If you can help me with this, I would greatly appreciate it. Please do me one last favor if you can. Please, please bring her home. Your son needs you, he needs you really badly...

FOBD