Shine on you crazy diamond...

[FellOnBlackDays]

BITS,
I am here, but had a horribly busy day and couldn't get to the computer. Had to spend much of the day on work, getting ready for my conference and spending time with my mom. Had dinner with her. She was in pretty good spirits for a woman that is spending her 40th wedding anniversary alone. I guess she is getting used to it now. My dad has been gone for 11 years. I love her so much. She has done the most amazing things for me since my W left. I always knew shew as a good mother, but she deserves a medal for her performance lately.

You know, I want to vent for just a second. You see, this is the crap that I would like to shove in my W's face right now. If I had a wish today it would have been to make my f'ing W sit there at that table with my mother. I just want to say to her tonight, "How would you like to be her, sweetheart???? Yes, I was a pain in the *ss to live with at times, but I never hit you, never cheated on you and never left you when times got bad. Each day is precious, very, very precious. And while you are out 'finding yourself' and punishing me for my transgressions, we are all getting one step closer to the grave. Look at her. Look at her sitting there for the 11th year in a row having to face sleeping alone on her anniversary. Not because she chooses to live in a crappy apartment across town BUT BECAUSE HE IS DEAD! You really need to wake the f*ck up!" But, this would mean nothing to my W because of two very important things: 1) She is 36 years old and has NEVER buried anyone in her family that she was close to. She is absolutely CLUELESS about death. 2) She probably wouldn't give a sh*t anyway, because facing the harsh reality of life is not in her "master WAS plan." Yes, I know these thoughts are not helpful. It was just the thoughts that were going through my head tonight as I watched my mother eat dinner. My bad...

I have to leave on a 7:30 a.m. flight to a conference out of state. I will be back on Friday afternoon. During that time, I will not have my personal laptop and I am banned from visiting social networking sites such as this one on my work laptop. So, FOBD will have to sign off until Friday afternoon when I get back from the airport. Geez, I hate to think how behind I am going to be, but I don't have a choice.

I am actually looking forward to this conference. Free food, hours and hours around other people so no "lonely time," and I can get the heck out of my house for a couple of days. Maybe the change in scenery will do me some good. Nothing worth a sh*t is going on here in my town or in my M, so I guess getting away will be good.

Funny story to end the evening. Saturday while my W was going on and on about her new life in front of my family, she did trip up and confess a little bit of truth. She told my mother that new new apartment is in an old house which was built on pillars above ground instead of on a slab. So, when the nighttime temps around here dipped into the 20's the place turned into an icebox. She had to buy electric blankets for every room. And, if there is one thing my W hates with a passion it is being cold. She wears socks in the house in the dead of summer because she gets cold. Meanwhile, it was a balmy 70 degrees in my house. I didn't even need a blanket. Enjoy your new place, my love. I guess it is a good thing that we have great insurance because a bout of pneumonia can be expensive. Maybe all is not well in "WAS land..."

Happy V-Day everyone!

BITS never walk alone!!!!

FOBD, out until Friday.