The unexamined life is not worth living

[Denver_2010]

Yup, that's it in a nutshell. And, I know it hurts to hear it, but you don't compare well. Why not? Because she is comparing him today to the memory of you. The memories that are stuck in her head. I know you want to give her a new vision of you, but this is what is in her head. And she is frightened. Frightened to believe in a promise that you will be different, when she already thinks she knows how you are.

You're always just so positive Lotus! You are right though. I get it and I understand it. And that is what I told her.

You may not agree with this, but my gut tells me that she knows that she wants to give our M another shot. But there is a part of her that is torn bc she does have this OM in her life who has given her things for the past 3 months that I didn't for much of our R/M. But I really do not believe that she believes that he is right for her. She flat out told me that she is not in love with him and that he annoys the f out of her bc he wants to be around her too much. Regardless of what she decides with me, I really don't think that this R with OM will work out in the long run. And I think that she knows that deep down.

Love is a decision. And she is undecided. She can decide to love you, but to do that she has to commit to you and trust you and forgive you. it's not just love. It's all four things all at once.

I know that she loves me, she told me that on Thursday night. It's the other three that scares her. And admittedly, rightfully so.

I still think your best chance would come from going to a Retrouvaille weekend, or another marriage strengthening program that has intensity in a short time. A strong weekend could give her the chance to see the new you, to explore the problem areas, and leave the old baggage behind. Weekly MC sessions lack the intensity; they help, but they just meander on. You need a good strong 2 day talk it all out, find your bearings again weekend. I've heard good things about a 2 day intensive with Michele.

I recommend that you ask her to go with you to a weekend and give it a chance.

I am strongly considering, but isn't one of the requirements that any OM/OW be out of the picture before you go? I think that I want to wait until that is final before I talk to her about the possibility of going. I really think that she will agree to do it.