2step, Hang in there, buddy. You are still my inspiration. I see quite a few positives signs here. Take it from a guy who has not seen a positive sign in weeks. Don't give up now. I would say you still have a ways to go, but she seems to have turned a corner. I have been following your sitch since you first joined and I can definitely see some good things going on here. Head up, chest out, eyes straight ahead. You can do this because you are a BITS!
BITS never walk alone!
FOBD
Me: 39 W: 36 T: 15 yrs M: 9 yrs S: 09/10
So you can get on with your search, baby And I can get on with mine And maybe someday we will find, That it wasn't really wasted time...
Your D's conversation with your W, and then your conversation about your D with you W made me tear up 2Step. This is so hard on us that sometimes we forget how difficult it is for any child that is involved... whether or not they are step-children like in you and I's situations.
I think that you should continue to be encouraged. You have such easy going conversations with your W that I just can't imagine that she believes that there may be something as good out there for her. When she decides to truly think about that, is when I think things will really turn for the better here.
Finally, yes, it is difficult to see your W when you haven't for so long. I experienced that on December 23rd and then again on January 23rd. Each time it had been a month in bw seeing her. I understand that shook up feeling very well. Hopefully soon, very soon, you will be seeing her again each and every day. Just keep that positive thought in your mind. It will keep you going.
BITS Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
God, this is brutal. I know you're hurting, but this still goes into the books as a positive experience.
It's moving in the right direction. I mean she's at "I don't know" instead of I definitely want a divorce. That's big. She's contacting you to comfort her in her pain.
I don't know. I've just scheduled m 6th appt with the DB couch for Saturday. One of my goals was to get W to join me on another call but the opportunity to ask has not been there. I'm really kind of stuck at this point so I will talk to Jody and see what she thinks. I want to continue moving in a positive direction but I would like to know if I am really making progress or if I am just talking at this point. If W and I had not spoken in months I would consider this great progress, but since we talk all the time I don't know.
FOBD,
We are taking the same journey you and I we are just at different points. I could be chasing my tail or I could be making progress, that is just to be seen. Hang tight and don't lose focus my failure/success will serve as a roadmap for others. The way I see it Denver is leading this race not me.
Denver,
We do have great talks and sometime it is just small talk but it is always nice to hear from her. I 100% believe that if the distance was not there we would be further along right now. I have my instinct about my W also and my gut tell me she is sorry that this is happening and she wishes it wasn't but she does not see a change of course at this time. She feels as if the move is unrealistic and way too risky to come back and give me another chance. I think seeing her would do us both some good but I am going to get Jody's input on this before I do anything. If I get a chance to bring it up sometime this week I will. I'm hoping that she will want to have another heart to heart sometime this week.
2, just got caught up on the latest. Man, did you ever have a good V-Day after all.
Sometimes I think those of you who have kids are more fortunate because they look at everything so innocently, unconditionally and lovingly that we can all learn from them. I think sometimes that also makes the WAS's a little less rigid at times. If we can all look thru the eyes of a child or even a pet.....
I know you are feeling sad 2, but all this interaction you have had screams positive steps. It appears that you both are working on the being friends thing. You both are getting to know the new people you have become.
Looks like time, patience and hard work during your journey is having a payoff. Congrats and keep it up.
BITS
M: 48, H: 42 Kids: 0 T: 20 yrs M: 16 yrs. (H's 1st, my 2nd) WAS/MLC: 12/7/09-I'm not the wife HE deserved Came home per L: 12/26/09, Left again: 2/6/10 Served: 10/21/10, D FINAL: 6/15/11
The Bible, which I don't quote often, speaking on marriage, says, "For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife"....
Hey Cat my W read me this quote last week.
2,
That quote, took me a long time to really figure out what it meant to me, my life, etc...
What does it mean to you?
Did it make you think about anything?
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
It appears that you both are working on the being friends thing. You both are getting to know the new people you have become.
This is the part that I am hoping for. If this is the case then I would agree that I am moving in the right direction. My other brain argues that this is her being nice to me and she is working on healing herself in the process, but only to feel better about the separation not with the intent on reconciliation. Of course I could defeat myself, and normally I am pretty good about that.
2, That quote, took me a long time to really figure out what it meant to me, my life, etc... What does it mean to you? Did it make you think about anything?
Cat,
I have figured it out, but it was not over night. I always knew the arrangement was a problem but I just did not realize how much so. I guess it is hard for me to explain, it's kind of like me saying I knew my W was upset months before she left but not until I started to learn and really reflect on how she felt did I understand just how hurt she was. This is what brought such shame and guilt and why I felt so much despair. It was not the fact that she left, all that did was wake me up and forced me to look in the mirror, it was the fact that this woman that I loved with all my heart was hurt and I caused it. I understood the pain, I understood the hurt, I understood how she felt and when you hurt someone so much you want to do anything and everything to correct it. That is why I began the walk of shame and self reflection.
She read that quote to me 3 times to make sure I understood it. That was last week.
It appears that you both are working on the being friends thing. You both are getting to know the new people you have become.
This is the part that I am hoping for. If this is the case then I would agree that I am moving in the right direction. My other brain argues that this is her being nice to me and she is working on healing herself in the process, but only to feel better about the separation not with the intent on reconciliation. Of course I could defeat myself, and normally I am pretty good about that.
2, please don't make me have to come to Jersey to kick your a$$!
BITS
M: 48, H: 42 Kids: 0 T: 20 yrs M: 16 yrs. (H's 1st, my 2nd) WAS/MLC: 12/7/09-I'm not the wife HE deserved Came home per L: 12/26/09, Left again: 2/6/10 Served: 10/21/10, D FINAL: 6/15/11
The best part about being the LBS is time. Time is on your side.
Maybe she is trying to be friends to make it easier.
If so, you can always stop being her friend at any time.
Personally, I don't see that.
You have to have friendship before you can have romance here. So don't blow off the friendship like it means nothing. It is a step in the right direction.
As for whether any of these baby steps we point out to you are really positive...at this point, anything that's not a severe withdrawal or filing for D is a baby step. Everything not obviously negative is a positive. Nothing is neutral here. She doesn't have to contact you. She doesn't have to talk to her SD. She doesn't have to do anything.
She is choosing these things.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
