I am so angry right now. So as everyone knows and is probably feeling the crap for today, the big V day,I wonder to myself why the heck do we do this?

It was one month ago today that H left. After 2 weeks he comes back and says he loves me blah blah blah... So today, and today is not just V-day for us, it is our anniversary too, it all goes to hell. Last night neither one of us had a very good sleep. so after the kids all went to school we were watching the end of a movie we started last night. Then we went and did some running around. H gave me a Happy anniversary card that was corny...he said we were past the mushy stuff. (didn't realize you were ever suppose to be past it) When we got back home he said he was going out to the other place. (the one where he lives the rest of the time)

Later in the afternoon I got the mail and a check we were waiting for came in. I texted him that it was here. He says good, go get some groceries. I texted him that I can get myself a Vday dinner. He says if that suits your needs. I said well I don't have a date. He says neither does he. I say yes he does his friends and the hockey game. Then a few minutes later asks if I am taking him out for dinner? So I texted back what were you thinking. It has to be cheap. I get back well we dont have to if you dont want to....immediately I see the big cop out. I know he is more interested in spending tonight with his friends watching hockey then being here.

All I can see is red. I am irrationally angry now. As far as I am concerned I shouldn't even have had to ask about dinner or tonight or anything. Even if we had to sit at home and eat KD it would have let me know that the crap he has been spewing about our R is REAL. This only says to me that he is still the same selfish a$$ he was 4 weeks ago. That everything he has said lately is just a bunch of crap.

I am so mad at myself for falling for his bull again. I know I played apart in all of this. I know I let my anger get the very best of me today. I know I cannot have any expectations of him because he can not live up to them....but for pete's sake...I can't have just one day?

I hope the rest of you out there have had a better v-day than I have. Big hugs to everyone!!!

Me:35, 2 kids from PR
H: 37, 2 kids with me
T: 15 years
M: 8 years in Feb.
Second walk out: 14-01-2011
H had PA: 2007