Yup, that's it in a nutshell. And, I know it hurts to hear it, but you don't compare well. Why not? Because she is comparing him today to the memory of you. The memories that are stuck in her head. I know you want to give her a new vision of you, but this is what is in her head. And she is frightened. Frightened to believe in a promise that you will be different, when she already thinks she knows how you are.
Love is a decision. And she is undecided. She can decide to love you, but to do that she has to commit to you and trust you and forgive you. it's not just love. It's all four things all at once.
On the other hand, he is a clean slate. She already has built some trust with him, she doesn't need to forgive him, and she doesn't have to commit to him right away either.
I still think your best chance would come from going to a Retrouvaille weekend, or another marriage strengthening program that has intensity in a short time. A strong weekend could give her the chance to see the new you, to explore the problem areas, and leave the old baggage behind. Weekly MC sessions lack the intensity; they help, but they just meander on. You need a good strong 2 day talk it all out, find your bearings again weekend. I've heard good things about a 2 day intensive with Michele.
I recommend that you ask her to go with you to a weekend and give it a chance.
