Really hard time.... III

[2stepboogie]

Going dark did not work out to well for you last time if I remember right did it? You mentioned your W gave you some chances to do something but you messed those up. How can you correct that? How are the conversation between the two of you? Do you plan on taking the papers and handing them off directly to her?

[what next?]

Yeah I took them lastnight. It went well (trip report is a few posts back) I guess my plan is to just try to contact her a couple times per week. Idk... I'm torn but that's why I'm posting it here lol

[2stepboogie]

Next,

Sorry I had forgotten you took them back. Now you need to sit down and figure out what are your small term goals and how you are going to achieve those goals. Remember that the DB process is not a one size fits all approach, it is doing what works. What has worked with you and what hasn't?

[what next?]

Yeah, that's what I'm trying to come up with. My goal is to get her to vent to me so that I can validate her for pretty much the first time. The problem is that she is super hard to get to open up and I blew it so many times before that it will only be more difficult now. I don't have the built in excuse to contact her like I did when we were ironing out the details so now I have to have a plan. I mean... the ink isn't even dry so I think I have to back off a little and let it have time to sink in. I want to let her initiate but really she doesn't much (although she did today about some information to get bills changed into her name)

I know that the way that I have reacted to her for the past month has to have thrown her for a loop. It feels SO good to do things right and see the surprise in her eyes

Now I just have to make sure that when she is ready to open up it is to me and not someone else.

[FellOnBlackDays]

Whatnext,
Hey, welcome to the BITS. 2step informed me you are our newest member. Glad to have you.

I think you have a good plan and the right attitude for the moment. Work with this for now and she how it pans out for you. If you need more help, just ask. The BITS are always here for you, buddy!

BITS never walk alone!

FOBD

[what next?]

So, I took her the notarized divorce papers Saturday night and yesterday she emailed asking about some papers that need to be notarized to switch the cable into her name. I didn't realized she had emailed them to me so I replied saying that I would get them filled out and to her today. I have the feeling she might have though this was an excuse to see her today but it really was just an over sight. I got the papers filed out and left them for her in her mailbox. Kind of some mini db'ing: )

[2stepboogie]

I think that was a smart move, for no other reason but to spear you the heartbreak of seeing the woman you love and is walking away. There is no secret potion no magic pill. At this point you need to start finding that person she fell in love with. Who was he? I don’t know going forward how many more interactions you will have but you need to make sure that they are positive. Time to let go and at the same time leave the door open; easier said than done.

I've got some updates to post but I will post them after D goes to bed

[2stepboogie]

Check this out

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gct6BB6ijcw&feature=related

[what next?]

Wow, I would have put money on there not being a pearl jam song that I haven't heard but I have never heard that anywhere. Was pretty awesome but now I'm kind of bummed lol

W emailed me twice tonight...

I'll give the lawyer the signed document tomorrow & she'll get me a court date for the decree. Thanks for taking care of the COX assumption!

and then a short email asking if I had used the joint card on purpose (I had got gas with it on accident) so I replied to that saying that I would take it out of my wallet so that that doesn't happen again.

[what next?]

There were so many things that happened through the process that I look back on now and see how I messed up. Like she would give me baby steps and I would go hungry hungry hippo on her lol

My problem right now is that I'm not seeing the baby steps. I guess that the communication is a baby step but it just kills me that her tone is so nonchalant and I'm dying inside. At least I'm able to keep it straight. I just want the divorce to be over so that I can see if she is really gone or not. I feel like I will know something within a couple of months of it being final. If she doesn't come back to me at all I would say it must be time for me to move on.