Thanks everyone for the loving gesture. You are all right. I was thinking the same myself. I need to completely let him go, especially as far as caring about his trips.
He is making efforts to try to reconnect. He came over Sunday to try to talk, but I was involved in a painting project and continued my day. He texted 4x after that. I guess I am at a loss at what to do at this stage. Sometimes I respond to him, sometimes, I do not. He gets very irritated when I don't, but truly I don't care at this point. I am being very careful to maintain boundaries and to "get a life" in front of him. He has definitely noticed and I refuse to pursue in any way. If he wants this relationship, he is going to have to make all of the effort.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Trusting, You are so right...he needs to be the one to put forth the effort to show you he wants to reconnect/reconcile. Continue as you have been doing. Nothing says you have to respond to him each and every time he calls and/or emails. Life does not revolve around him and his drama. You have a life and family to take care of which comes first these days.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thanks Snodderly, I appreciate the comments. I do feel the tide has turned and he no longer controls my thoughts and actions. I just need to make sure I am on the right track....
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
About 4 weeks ago me and my father and brothers ran into ex and OW at a restaurant. Can you say ackward. Both ex and OW looked so unhappy and pre-occupied. Ex was suppose to have had the kids that night. I went up to them and nicely asked where the children were. He told me to get away from them and called me a --itch and told me he was going to "kick my ass". It was so very odd and ex seemed to want a confrontation.
Since that time, he has been texting me on and off as if nothing happened. I have not replied to any. He is a child.
Today, included in my child support payment was a "bonus" of several thosand dollars from him. I am clueless why, or what inspired this additional payment. Maybe guilt, repentence, who the hell knows.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
XH had started to look back. He started contacting you and then asks for forgiveness. Because ow's are very insecure she snoops and finds out. ow is very upset.
XH backpedals trying to convince her that it's not what it seems. XH takes ow out to dinner to show her all is well. ow is still PO and XH is still trying to convince her. You happen to come into the same restaurant and innocently go up to them while they're having a discussion about you. To prove to ow that there is nothing going on, he verbally attacks you.
I know you have no idea if it happened like this and will probably never know. At least it would explain how your XH could be so stupid as to verbally attack and threaten you when you were with your brothers and your Dad who would have just as gladly kicked his butt in your defense.
No matter what was going on, XH was not too bright to say those things to you. I'm sure since you haven't answered him when he's tried to contact you, he's got the idea that it wasn't the smartest thing he's ever done, and is trying to atone for it by sending you money. He may be trying to get you to talk to him again and sent it with no explanation so you'd contact him and ask about it. My H has used that kind of tactic before.
Who knows what goes on in the mind of a MLCer? SA's answer is plausible. I also suspect that he is feeling very conflicted. If he woke enough to ask your forgiveness, he is beginning to 'get it' at least intermittently. But they are mosty angry with themselves, and they project it on to us, at least that is what I think happens. You walk in with your family, and he feels horrible, being there with OW. Moreover, he is in the wrong in every which way - with OW, not taking care of kids. Wrong footed on every level. That is when my ex used to be the meanest.
But the money could be any one of a number of reasons. However, I think any sign of generosity is a good thing. I wish my xh had a spark of it!! He is still in the wanting all he can get and then some, and feeling hard done by, I gather.
If anyone thinks that once you are divorced you are rid of the ML'er, think again.....
My situation is a prime example.
This morning I am heading to my K-5's Spring Concert. Her last concert at Christmas, ex brought bimbo to it and tried to get a rise out of me. I have found the best strategy for me is to completely ignore him. It makes him go crazy, but it is so much easier on me and that is what it is about now. I am protecting myself at all costs not once comprising my integrity or grace. Folks, they are not worth jeapordizing yourself in any way.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
How was the concert??? I remember going to many, many concerts as my sons grew up. LOL Even as adults, they're strong love of music continues. Don't play their instruments anymore, or sing choirs, but both went on to DJ at local establishments, weddings, etc. And both do wonderful remixed CDs.
You sound like you're doing well Trusting. Good for you!
Women are angels. And when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly...on a broomstick. We are flexible
I am doing well, but it only comes from crawling out of the pain my ML'er put me through. I thank God for that, but am ready to move on without drama, abuse and immaturity. Sometimes I think we make too many excuses for these ML'ers (including myself), they need to be accountable for their actions and stop using the people they love the most as their scapegoats. Yes, they still love us, I have no doubt in my mind. They are not capable of dealing with this emotion though.
The concert was wonderful. My girl was beautiful and sung her heart out. She was so proud that her mama was there. She kept blowing me kisses. I did not see ex or OW. I did not take the time to scan the audience to see if they were there like in the past. They are not worth that small fraction of energy.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
