Have you considered the fact that he actually might be telling you the truth?
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No OW and roommate moves out.
People might disagree with me on this but I see NOTHING wrong with this. I'll tell you why.....Your sitch is a little different in the sense that the WAS is not really a WAS, he is more of a PAS (push away spouse). You are guarded. Understood. You are not much of a talker with him righ now. Understood. I truly see him wanting to make an effort but in the process he is navigating a land mine field. You on the other hand are sitting there waiting for one of the mines to go off. What do they say........drop the rope.
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But I think I am already screwing this up
The important thing is not that you are screwing things up but that you are recognizing it early. If you feel you are doing something wrong.....stop, evaluate, plan out, and proceed. It's kind of like stop, drop, and roll with a twist.
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You guys talked about control back in my court.
I don't know if that really applies in your case. You do have control and you have excercised control. Putting control in your court would include something completely different than say Dixie.
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He wants to talk more, but I'm still in shut down mode and I don't know how to break out of it
Can you listen more? Him talking does not really require you talking but it does require you listening. Now if you say he would like for you to talk more then that is different. I understand the being guarded thing. I am so guarded right now that if my W and I don't make it the next person is really going to have to earn it. Perhaps you can start slow. Chose one thing that has been bothering you or you feel is a problem in the M, something that has hurt you. Start with that and see how the interaction goes. If it is positive then proceed if it is not then stop and ask yourself why.
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There are still a lot of things unsaid. So, these talks that you guys are having with your wives, well I feel like you're further along than I am because I can't have that heart to heart.
Some of the best conversations I have had with my W have been because my mouth was closed.
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I come here and pour my heart out to all of you but then I get home and I close up like a clam.
The greatest barrier to success is the fear of failure. The key to change... is to let go of fear.
It's like when I tell my soldiers during training. When the bullets are flying you need to get up and seek cover. Most will lie there in panic mode frozen still as the armored vehicle approaches. I yell at them and this is how the conversation goes
M "Get up you (censored) before that tank shoots your A$$!"
S "But they are shooting"
M "No Sh!T. That is why you need to move and get outta here"
S "But I am scared"
M "In a minute you are going to be scared and dead"
It's kind of funny but I hope you get my meaning. Fear paralyses us from making good decisions.
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Awww... sweetie, it's just because I care about you. You bailed me out of a situation that I would have screwed up badly. I just might owe my marriage to you and I don't even know who you are!!! (Of course, that makes swinging 2x4's easier. You don't know where I live!!!)
You posted this on Hopes thread. You can smack me with a 2x4 anytime. I tend to self defeat when it comes to my sitch a lot. I will argue a point against myself just to get someone to argue back and prove me wrong. If they do then I say to myself "OK good. I was wrong. thank god" So keep those 2x4 coming.
