valentines day...i will vent to my bits here......

[hope2011]

Stories... Here's mine and H's story:

First, I need to back up to the V day before I met H (I met him at the end of April). I was determined to not sit at home alone, having broken up the month before with an ex-boyfriend, though I knew it was coming for months. I wasn't upset, but didn't want to mope either. So I did speed dating that V day. It was fun, nothing serious. I posted this on someone's thread already about V day. What I didn't post was later that evening I had excepted a coffee invitation as a blind date sort of, with a guy named Charles. Not really a date, just coffee. I had talked to him a few times before by phone and e-mail, seemed like a nice guy. I hesitated to meet for coffee but decided to go anyway. He was a policeman, knew his sister so I thought why not. Coffee was great. He was a really, really nice guy. He was a gentleman and a Christian, a dad of 2 small boys, a police officer with quite a few commendations, special forces in the military, volunteered for little league and his church youth group, had spent the day helping his mom out. What a nice guy, huh? And he was handsome as all get out. I hit the date jackpot. I had fun, we talked a lot, we had a ton in common. We planned to meet a few days later, on that Saturday for dinner and a real date. We talked on the phone and through e-mail a lot that week. On that Friday night, he was killed on duty. He was supposed to have called me that Saturday morning about dinner but never called. I saw his photo on the local news and that's how I learned about his death. He was chasing someone and hit a underpass and died instantly.

I was a wreck. I felt horrible for his mom, his sister, his boys. I felt like I had jinxed him or something. I don't know why God decided for us to meet like that, only to have him die days later but I felt like we were supposed to meet. All the stuff you tell people when you first start to date.. about your family, your life... things you don't tell others but should, like how much you respect your mom and look up to your sister, etc. I got to tell his family those things for him, the things he told me just days earlier. I even got to tell his XW how much he still cared about her and what a great mom he thought she was. So our next date was his funeral.

Months later, I was doing the dating site scene and H was my 3rd date of the day. I was serious about shopping around before I got into another R! lol I had a lunch date with a smoking hot European, a photo club date with another guy after that and then dinner with H. As H jokes I "didn't pay for a meal for months". I had been talking to H (and dozens of others) on-line for a couple of weeks. I honestly wasn't all that interested in him by his profile and photos. When I met him for dinner at a restaurant at the mall, he told me to take a chair and I took his by accident. Completely threw him off his game. Dinner was ok, but nothing I would've considered great or love at first sight. After dinner he asked if I wanted to take a walk through the mall and I said ok. We found out we had a lot in common. We talked for 3 hours straight. We sat outside at a fountain and as we were sitting there, a huge shooting star flew through the sky. The biggest, brightest one I've ever seen as it was still very visible with all the lights around us. It was then that I became interested in him enough to accept a 2nd date (something I rarely did). Later, he confided in me that he too didn't feel much during dinner and that it was the walk and sitting by fountain talking later that he became interested and knew he wanted to be exclusive.

Stars became our thing after that. Looking for shooting stars together, starfish and stars for our wedding, I was with the boys the first time they saw a shooting star, H bought a ceiling constellation lamp for me the first birthday with him. For my birthday a few months ago, I received jewelry with stars on it. I always thought if we ever had a little girl her middle name would've been Star.

But I always, always believed that that star that flew past us on our first date was a sign. I had asked Charles to send me a good man. To give me a sign when I had found him. I thought that finding my H, who was indeed my Prince Charming for so long... was a gift from God, my son and Charles. That after all the bad stuff I'd been through, here was a miracle. True love, fairy tales and all. It was that way, for 2 years. I would lay awake a night, literally counting my blessings and thanking God.

So today, V day, will always remind me of Charles but not in a sad way or a romantic way.. but in a guardian angel kind of way. I hope he did send that star. I hope H is the answer to all my prayers of finding a good man.