I think the answer to your question is, it depends. It depends on your sitch, your spouse and your history together. I don't think there is one size fits all attempt here.
In my case I was very stubborn and only my point of view really mattered. So my W felt undermined and un-loved. If I go into this with the same attitude nothing has changed
In your case you were a pushover, so what woudl be your 180.
I think people get DB confused with giving in to everything your W wants and letting them walk all over you while you smile and pretend life is great. I don't see it that way at all. I see it as an opportunity to make changes in your life in a positive way and to stop self destructive behaviour.
If my W wanted to spend the next 6hrs telling me what a horrible husband i was i would listen and validate but if she wanted to take my car or have a relationship with OM in my house I would in a calm way dissagree and ask her to leave. DB does not mean lay down on the tracks as the car drives over you it means understanding why the driver even wants to.
