He not only helped me reinforce that my WAW does not want or need any pressure from me, he also helped me expand my limited view of passion.
I had not thought of passion in terms of emotional intimacy, or in terms of being there for my wife through her feelings of loss, confusion, grief...
I was only thinking of solving her problems and making her toes curl.
This was comforting to me because I know how strong our bond of friendship is, how patient and understanding she feels I am, and how much deeper our connection is than simply sex.
Yes. I must accept that for now it is true that sexually, another man may rock her world more than I can at the moment, but she and I both know that no other man in the world knows her and understands her more than I. Nobody can ever give her a greater sense of intimacy and connection than me, especially when I am at my best.
My coach recommended I focus on empathy and really being there in full listening and compassion mode, rather than trying to make things happen.
The said "The goal of not chasing them is to give them an opportunity to stop running."
And maybe in my case, to let them know that they are safe.
One thing I noticed that I did really well with Beckie this week was not chasing her, not initiating, and showing her the new side of me that is simply being present and aware. Actively listening without trying to take control.
Acknowledging how she is feeling without trying to solve or fix or change anything, or argue and spin the words for my own motives or intent.
Just. Listen.
The emotional bond an connection, those genuine feelings of intimacy, caring, connection - they are core qualities. They are part of what she was first attracted to me in the beginning, and I believe those feelings can only be stronger now.
Focusing on these greater truths within myself has has gone a long way towards helping me overcome my fears and insecurities.
peace,
Mike
I am being the possibility of:
1) Integrity 2) Loving myself completely. 3) Things flowing naturally between us, without any fear or attachment to the outcome.
