That's the thing. If you are down about yourself, even if you make light of it, it makes the other person feel disrespected. This is the reasoning:
He chose to be with you. You talk down about yourself, point out your short-comings. So, it is almost like making fun of him for choosing to be with you.
"Hey, dope - what is wrong with you? Why would you be with someone like me, who is so (fill in the blank with the negative image of the moment)."
A huge reason that my ex left is not because of the things that I didn't do around the house - he knew me for over 20 years, knew that I prioritized quality time iwth loved ones, volunteering, teaching, etc., over housework. It wasn't a problem until friends who we had recently gotten close with started teasing (still don't know if it was out of subconscious jealousy or just got too comfortable and boundaries were crossed)..... what OTHER PEOPLE started to make a joke out of. He started to feel like a shmuck because friends would joke about him pitching in around the house.
It was his perceptions - I guess it is always about each individual's perceptions, really, what makes up their reality. Some are more swayed by how other's view them, some are very hard on themselves...
That is where the power of positive thinking comes in. All the hype around "the Secret." Manifesting what you are thinking about. If you treat YOURSELF with respect and love, that is how others will treat you. Project it out to the world. Demand it from those around you.
THAT is attractive. That tells the person that you are with that they made the right choice, that they are brilliant to be by your side, that they are lucky to have you.
And Mish, Gabe is lucky to have you. It is not the other way around.
I drove to Ohio Friday morning (Marc managed to arrange his tests at the last minute so I didn't have to drive up there at night). LONG WAY! Made it in 9.5 hours. My Granny had to be told we were having a party for her because she wasn't feeling great so didn't want to go anywhere. My aunt told her there was a party but didn't tell her the scale it was going to be on. There were over 100 people there, mostly family, and she was overwhelmed by it. Family drove and flew in from all over the country including some cousins that no one had seen in over 10 years. It was a very special day. After the party Marc and I got to go spend some more time with her at her apartment so we could talk more one on one. I am grateful for the time I got to spend with her. Her health is not great but she still manages to live by herself with the cooking and cleaning help of two of my uncles.
Gabe called me Saturday from the flea market and wanted to know if I needed any new kitchen appliances. He was naming off some things and the one thing I actually did need was not an appliance but a new large Wok. I do a lot of stir fry and mine is old and starting to rust a little! He said they had a 14 inch one and asked if that was good. When I said yes he said, "Well, happy Valentines Day then!" Oh lovely. Yes, I appreciate the gift but if I had known what he was doing maybe I could have told him I really "needed" some flowers and a massage. *sigh* Oh well.......a long, long time ago he used up all his romantic gestures while we were dating and there have been none ever since. Why do I hope for more than this? Again....my STUPID, ROMANTIC HEART! GAG! Is there some sort of 'ectomy' to get rid of that part of it?
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Sounds like a very amazing trip! So glad you and Marc were able to go and everything worked out so well!!!!!
Too funny about Gabe's present. Personally, I love practical presents, so I would have been fine with that.
You should have told him, "Oh! I also really need flowers! And a massage! And dinner out! Well, maybe that's overkill. Just the flowers would be swell." LOL
He obviously is a person who appreciates practical gifts. That doesn't mean he's not capable of romantic gestures, just his picture of life after dating doesn't include them. He obviously thinks those are required things while dating, but no one ever showed him or told him that they are important in the years after as well. So...might be time to just have a frank discussion with him. I appreciate the wok, I did need a new one. I really appreciate how you look after me and try and make sure I have what I need. But, I'm really a sucker for the romantic gestures. I would love it if you got me flowers.
Or you could just buy yourself some with a card signed Your Valentine and put them on the kitchen table. That would make him wonder! LMAO
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
LOL!!! Love the 'secret admirer' idea. That would be funny!
I had rented a car for this trip since my car needs new tires and I just didn't want to sink the money in it this minute. I had to return it this morning and Gabe came over there to pick me up so we could play musical cars. He called me and asked if I would like fajitas to make for dinner. There is a Mexican market next to Hertz and their meat market was making them with their 'secret spice mix'. YUM! We went home to switch cars around and low and behold.........he got me 4 hand dipped chocolate covered strawberries and a card and wrote a super sweet sentiment in it. HOLY COW! Knock me over with a feather!
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Thanks guys. It was definitely a surprise and made my day. I told him that too and made sure that he understood just how special that was to me.
I'm catching Marc's cold...ICK! Sore throat, stuffy nose, watering eyes, headache. I guess that's what I get for dragging him with me for that many hours in the car.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
