Being....thank you. I do understand my role in the demise of the M. I recognize the anger issues (she also complained about too much drinking). I appreciate your thoughts.
Following your comments I sent another text advising that I would take the dog. I added: "I'm sorry. I'm just working through stuff." In the past my wandering mind would have gone crazy wondering what she was up to and thinking the worst (although I realize I need to accept whatever happens).
In any event, she replied: "No worries. xxx is going to do it. I understand about [dog] I shouldn't ask. I'm going to xxx [a girlfriend who had a birthday party that she mentioned 3 weeks ago] but I wasn't going to bother saying that as it doesn't really matter.
I think, and it's only my opinion, that you will have to let her go, before you stand a chance of getting her back. You cannot control her, only yourself. I know, because I used to lie awake wondering what my H was doing when he is away traveling. Nothing I can do.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
IOW, work on yourself ... be the man she would want to come home to. GAL ... do things like going to the gym, or taking a class, or taking a new hobby, or whatever. It might be a good idea to go to counselling to deal with your anger issues. There is a lot of helpful pages on the Dr Phil website. Your wife doesn't sound the type to have an A ... am I right? So, don't accuse unless you are really sure, and have proof. She said she loves you ... most of us on this board would love to hear that from our spouses ... in fact, I almost cried reading your wife's text.
Take it easy, work on yourself, use soft words and language when speaking to her.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
"Your wife doesn't sound the type to have an A ... am I right?" Unfortunately that type doesn't exist. When needs aren't getting met, anyone has the potential to cheat.
As far as the dog sitting goes, she can find her own sitter. I think she understands that too. If their is infidelity, then boundaries are the answer regarding children, finances, and respect.
I disagree ... there are those who will cheat before even discussing the problems in the M. And, there are those, who when unhappy, will discuss it, and if their needs aren't met, will then leave. If they find someone else beyond that, then it's not really cheating, is it? It's all a matter of honour, and being truthful. And, I believe there are many people like that.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
IYour wife doesn't sound the type to have an A ... am I right?
No. She was involved in EA with personal trainer at the time of the bomb in July.09. In October.09 I came across text messages where they were professing their love for one another. She acknowledged a PA (kissing 5-6 times after the bomb) but claims it went no further than kissing.
I believe that EA with the personal trainer ended at the time of the discovery. We were thereafter intimate for a period of time between November.09 and January.10.
I believe there is presently a new OM who is also a Facebook friend and former high school crush. She recently returned a GPS unit. Although steps had been taken to delete the history, the last trip remained recorded. It was the address of this OM.
Oh well, then you know what you are working with. I find it strange for her to tell you that she loves you. WAS's usually stop saying that as soon as there is an OM/OW.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Oh well, then you know what you are working with. I find it strange for her to tell you that she loves you. WAS's usually stop saying that as soon as there is an OM/OW.
Professions of love were certainly not a matter of routine. She said something similar shortly after the Bomb ("I will always love you..always...I just can't live with you) and around Christmas '09. Personally, I'm looking upon the most recent profession as her "goodbye".
By way of update, there is not a whole lot to report. She left abrasive telephone and/or text messages this past Friday and Sunday. I did not reply. Today I received the most recent lawyer's letter (her lawyer is extremely aggressive). I have not replied. Often, I feel that she wants me to respond angrily so that she can justify her decision.
I am glad your anger is in control. Keep that up. I used to have an anger problem ... long ago. I found, eventually, that the only person the anger was hurting was me. Everyone else, like my kids were cowering away from me. Not the best image of a mom.
Take care.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
