I have been trying to stay away from the boards for awhile, as it seems to suck me back in and leave me feeling worse sometimes. But, I had to come on here and tell what has been happeneing the last week.
XH is very mad at me, and isn't talking to me. Which is fine, he has a right to be (long story), but I have apologized and he owes me forgivness cause even though I was wrong it comes no where near to what he has done to me and I have forgiven him, so I have been letting him process things on his own like I should, keeping busy with school, work and the three kids I am raising alone!! I forsure have my moments of bitterness about what he has done and chosen for all of us, but I continue to let it go cause it is the past and nothing I can do about it.
So, last night..D11 comes down stairs crying and saying that she finally told XH all she has wanted to say to him. I asked her what that was and she said... she asked him over and over why he did this to us, told him how unfair it all is and that she doesn't understand how he could do it and that if he really loved her he would have thought about her before he did it (have an affiar and leave us). He never really answered her directly just said "your mom and I couldn't get along" to which she promptly told him was bulls*it! He then said he would "explain" when she was older why he did it" and she told him she was older and wanted an explaination!! He didn't give her one, then told her he was proud of her for sharing how she felt, that he knew she had wanted to tell him for years. She asked him if he would move here and he gave more excuses for not doing that too. Why can't this man step up and be a man?? Why can't he just say there is no excuse, there is no explaination, I made a mistake and I am very sorry for it?? Why can't he just tell her that he should have thought of her and tried harder to make it work? What a coward and a liar and a wimp!! In the past he has even told her that I divorced him and that he didn't want the divorce!! WOW!! That is the furthest from the truth! He told me he was very happy in our marriage 2 months before he started the affair, he is having a classic MLC, alien take over, jeckle to hyde..all of it!!
Anyway, he put on his facebook today:
"I see the angels and demons in my rear view mirror..... Looking forward to the road ahead."
What the heck does that mean? Why would you want to see your angels in the rear view mirror?? Aren't they good for you and suspose to help you? I just don't get him! Does he think because she told him all that that everything is fine and he is able to just move on leaving it all behind him and not caring yet again about the destruction he has caused? Does he really believe his road ahead will be good when he has done nothing to change himself or acknowledge anything he has done to the people who loved him the most? I wish he would ride off into the sunset, never to be seen again...execpt I need money from him...so...I am just so sick of it all!! He has done such awful things and all the consequences are mine and my kids..he seems to have none!
A
Me-40 XH-44 T-21 M-18 Div-19 mo. D-18,S-15,D-11 Bomb-7/07 EA,PA Mvd out-9/07-to give me space mvd back-12/07 mvd out-7/08 back with OW since 2/08 OW broke it off-1/10 in and out of tunnel and our life since!!
