Valentine's Twist....What to do....if anything....

[zengypsy]

Where are the boys to weigh in????!!!!

[lostinscared]

Yeah, I get it. I would be pretty angry too.

I wouldn't respond, Gypsy. Not even to say thank you. If you feel like you have to respond, "thanks" will be plenty sufficient.

I like what Hope said, though. Let Facebook know how terrific you are doing!!

[zengypsy]

Zen,

Stop.

Tell me this...

Even though your H probably didn't get it...

What did you get out of the dig that you put on FB?

Were you expecting a reaction from him?

And then you got upset by his message to you about your mom, which was a kind comment...

I realize you just got D papers, and I am sorry that you had to go through that....

However, you must feel your feelings without taking it out on him or looking for a reaction from him...

Honestly, it seems like you are looking for a fight right now.

Cat....

No, I'm really not looking for a fight. I'm a lover not a fighter! Picking a fight is only doing more of the same and would be a moot point. I wasn't expecting a reaction either. But he did react in a positive way.

What I wrote is truly how I feel about my mom and if that included a subtle dig, then so be it. But it is the truth. I wasn't upset about his message to me, I got nervous when I saw he sent me a msg because we don't communicate and whenever he reaches out to me to communicate, it's always very negative. My guard is up with him ALL the time for my protection. My trust in him is very low at this juncture and sadly so.

[2stepboogie]

I am torn here. While messaging him back a simple "thank you" would certainly not be totally unacceptable I fail to see what it would accomplish.

Then again no response would be something different. He knows you want him back he knows you would jump at the chance to reconcile. If you offer no response at least not right away he might wonder why or he might not. What would you have normally done? How would you have normally responded?

I think wait a few hours to clear your mind and then perhaps respond. There is certainly no reason to respond right away. I am bad about doing this W sends a text I respond right away like I have been waiting for it all day. I wonder what would happen if I wait an hour or two before responding. Same is true here. Wait and get some more feedback before deciding.

[zengypsy]

I am torn here. While messaging him back a simple "thank you" would certainly not be totally unacceptable I fail to see what it would accomplish.

Then again no response would be something different. He knows you want him back he knows you would jump at the chance to reconcile. If you offer no response at least not right away he might wonder why or he might not. What would you have normally done? How would you have normally responded?

I think wait a few hours to clear your mind and then perhaps respond. There is certainly no reason to respond right away. I am bad about doing this W sends a text I respond right away like I have been waiting for it all day. I wonder what would happen if I wait an hour or two before responding. Same is true here. Wait and get some more feedback before deciding.

2, I would have normally responsed with a simple, yes she was (to the great lady comment). Thank you for thinking of her. That's all-short and to the point. If I do respond at all, my plan was to respond much later in tonight as if I was too busy during the day and early evening. Or I can even wait until tommorrow when I change my status back to something cool and positive. Trying to practice patience here because my normal reaction is reply post haste!

[hope2011]

Zen, go buy yourself some roses, take a photo and post on FB with "my gorgeous Valentine's Day roses, can't wait for dinner and movie tonight!". Then take yourself out to dinner and a movie!! Grab a girlfriend if you want.

#1 It will get his curiosity up but it's not meant to make him jealous, just to see that you are having a good day and not sitting around crying over him (because that is NOT attractive!)

#2 It will lift your spirits and you deserve it!

#3 Most importantly - Be your own Valentine! Detach, GAL, act as it, whatever you want to call it. Just treat yourself, enjoy the day and the fact that are DB'ing and working on YOU. Love yourself.

[grr]

no, don't say thank you
if for nothing else, then you might be waiting for a response
i think that i would
xo

[cat04]

No, I'm really not looking for a fight. I'm a lover not a fighter! Picking a fight is only doing more of the same and would be a moot point

It doesn't appear that way.

And this is why...

if that included a subtle dig, then so be it.

Does this further your cause in any way?

It looks like more of the same to me.

Listen, you are going to reply to him no matter what anyone says, if that is what you want to do.

And somehow, someone's feelings, probably yours, will get hurt.

View his message as kind words, something you admit you are not used to right now, and leave it at that.

And make today special for yourself. Because you want to and for no other reason.

[Denver_2010]

Where are the boys to weigh in????!!!!

Gypsy... I agree with LIS, Hope and Grr. Do not respond at all. It will serve absolutely no purpose.

I think a response would have been good had he sent you that message prior to your FB posting (which was beautiful btw), but it was after.

Lastly, he didn't really give you anything to respond to. If he had asked how you were doing, yes, respond. But he didn't.

I like the idea of the roses, picture posted on FB. Also... go post that picture of your new shoes!!! And go do something for yourself tonight!

BITS
Denver

[zengypsy]

You BITS are the best.

Thanks for everyone weighing in. I have alot of information to mull over.

Thank you all for saying my msg to my mom was beautiful; it's just the kind of person she was.

I wish I had some xtra $ to go get myself some flowers, but I spent it on my kick a$$ shoes and flowers for my mom. What I am going to do is follow Hope's advice with a twist. I'm going to prob take a pic of the flowers I got for my mom, post it on FB and then tommorrow thank everyone for their well wishes and say something like, what a way to celebrate; flowers, dinner and a movie! Pretty broad statemnt - these things can be done at home or out. Trying to raise that curosity Hope!

Denver, I'd post the pic of my shoes on FB, but if H saw them, he would just be like she's shopping....again. Major bone of contention with him. Don't want to stir the pot too much with the court date pending. If I didn't have that, I would so post that pic in a heartbeat!!!

Hugs and Love to you all - ZEN