Recovering after a same sex affair

[sparks14]

the OW is not the problem

she is a symptom of the problem

I would spend that valuable therapy time talking about the problem instead of the symptom

don't get tangled int he small stuff (I know it isn't really SMALL) but shelving the OW isn't what is important

it is figuring out why there WAS an OW...what areas have been missing, what areas need work, where you both are

I would maybe not pretened but pretend the OW isn't an issue...

I understand where you are going here, Figg. I understand that she is just a symptom of the issue, but with her in the picture, how can we really work on us?

I do think we need to spend the valuable therapy time talking about what happened to us. What areas need help, etc. I also get the feeling right now that my W is more interested in using therapy to talk about co-parenting. She has given a little about her feelings but not much in therapy so far. I guess I will just let the therapist do her job and lead us down the road to recovery.

I do, however, intend to begin therapy with a sincere apology for betraying her trust in checking her email and exposing the affair to my parents instead of her first. I agree that this is very important.