Thank you everyone. I am trying not to snoop. I know H will do what H wants to do and there's nothing I can do about it. I can't force him into doing the right thing. I need to focus on me more.
This week I move into my new office. No more working from home with H also working from home. It's good that I have a new office, it's a 180, gives me more control over my life and my work and makes me more independent from H. But it scares the life out of me too. H will be home alone for 8 hours a day to get into all sorts of trouble if he chooses. Granted, I am literally around the corner and can pop in at any time but I do worry about him on sites again, phone calls next time, etc. I felt as if while I am here, I am babysitting him. That is no way to live. I either have to trust him or leave. For now, I am going to try to trust him. But it's hard. Very, very hard.
Trying to be more positive this week. Not just in front of him but all around.
We delayed Valentine's Day until Wednesday. He's going out of town again and asked me to go with him so we will celebrate then.
He's been different with the boys too. He grounded them 2 weeks ago and he's actually sticking to it. So the XW for once so it's making a good difference with them. At 15, they both have gotten mouthy and disrespectful to all 4 of us parents and their grades are slipping. They are going downhill and H is trying to put the brakes on it. AND he's asking me for my input on things, which he hasn't done in a long, long time. I am also trying to DB the boys as well, change how I interact with them. Things are getting better, though they are not happy about being grounded and losing phones, internet, etc. Hoping that this whole "consequences for actions" seeps into everyone's heads in this house. I am proud of him for sticking to the boys' grounding, I know it's not easy feeling like the bad guy.
He's been working hard on changing the dynamics between us too. He's listening to me when I talk more, he's made me coffee in the mornings, thanked me for doing things around the house, asked me about my work, a lot more affectionate, saying ILY. Even though I'm stressing over this trust issue on the inside, the whole mood of the house is changing and it's so much more pleasant around here.
He's really trying to turn things around. We're both trying to keep up our changes. Honestly, what more could I ask for at this point?
Me - 38, 2nd M, no living children, 1 forever 6 yr old boy H - 44, 3rd M, twins 16
Dating 4/07 M 10/08 Bomb #1 12/10 Bomb #2 1/11 Bomb #3 12/11
