The unexamined life is not worth living

[hope2011]

I'm having the same struggle. Trust in him after all my many, many trust issues to begin with. Fear of what other people think, etc (because I made the mistake of confiding in my sister and 2 close friends).

It would be easier to leave and start over with someone new. But if we did that, what have we learned? We'll just carry our issues over too. And you'll always wonder what if.

What it all comes down to are our vows, Denver. You hold yours very close, so do I. They are what kept you trying all these months. They haven't changed. I don't know about you, but there are days when they are the only reason I'm still trying but there are plenty of days my H is just unlovable and untrustworthy. But guess what? I have those days too. We all do. Maybe not to the same degree but love isn't easy. Marriage sure as heck isn't easy.

I think you need to figure out not so much whether you can trust your W but how committed you are to the M. If she is the love of your life, the woman you want to grow old with... are you going to fight for that? Because she has to forgive you too and that has to be hard for her. She's not contemplating holding on to her life with you (as you have been doing), she's contemplating giving up her new life and returning to one she didn't like at all. For you. She has trust issues too. What I'm saying is, both of you will have work hard to start over and build a new marriage. You have to get past the past and move forward. If you hesitate, she will know it. If you hold the PA over her head, she'll bolt. If you go back to old habits, she'll regret giving you another chance.

Worrying about your friends, her leaving you again... your ego is getting in the way of your commitment. You know that little angel and devil you warned me about? Which one are you going to listen to, Denver?

Hugs to you today, my friend. I believe in you, we all do.