"Taking vows and giving unconditional love does not mean that you let yourself be trampled and taken advantage of for years, Denver.
She felt a victim to your behavior. Being a victim and feeling that way is not part of love IMO and is based in fear.
It is an excuse not to look at and take control of the situation and make hard choices.
Still her perception whether true or not. It is true to her.
It is easier to blame the other person for our unhappiness.
What if you were and alcoholic and she had tried to get you to stop drinking by taking all the booze out of the house and begging you to seek help
and you didn't.
You kept making self destructive choices. Choices that hurt her because she cared about you and had taken vows to be your W.
But you still chose to continue your behavior.
Is she obligated by this to sacrifice her life for your choices?
A very extreme example and one that easily demonstrates the dilemna.
So
Originally Posted By: Denver
My point is, is that our vows and unconditional love are in the eyes of the beholder. And maybe, they don't mean that someone must live unhappily for the rest of their life bc they have made those vows or have promised unconditional love. Maybe there is a trump card when it is someone's personal happiness involved.
Or your personal unhappiness.<----- READ THAT AGAIN.
Me? Unconditional love means you can love the person despite their choices. Understand that they are free to make their own choices good or bad.
It does not obligate you to live with their choices or rather the consequences of their choices.
It does not obligate you to sacrifice yourself for the sake of another.
Then you are both lost.
So in the eye of the beholder?
Is living with and alcoholic worse than living with an emotional abuser?
What tear is the last one someone will shed before they say enough?
In the middle lies the truth for two people who want to share their lives together.
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
