I felt angry and betrayed when my wife dropped the bomb. It was earth shattering because because I believed I had found a woman who I could completely trust, and then suddenly that no longer seemed to be the case.
Like you, I believed I was taking my vows very seriously, and my wife was the only one who wasn't. In truth, I took advantage of her commitment. I took it as a license to, at best, to try and have my way, and at worst, to completely ignore her needs.
I see there is no honor in such behavior, and now I am learning to trust my wife's feelings and intuition even more.
When I first started DBing, I often asked myself:
"If we ever get back together, how can I be certain she won't do this to me again? How can I be certain she won't betray or abandon my again?"
But now I realize the problem isn't that my wife can't be trusted. It's that I was insecure about being able to consistently meet her needs.
So now I have a chance to practice meeting her needs, albeit not the way that I desire.
I don't think the pain and confusion is there to make me unhappy. I think it is there to make me more aware.
When we finally get the message, when we truly here what the pain has been trying to tell us, we no longer need the pain and can easily let it go.
I am being the possibility of:
1) Integrity 2) Loving myself completely. 3) Things flowing naturally between us, without any fear or attachment to the outcome.
