The unexamined life is not worth living

[downandoutintn]

Denver,

I have been following your posts for a couple of weeks now. You have been working too hard to give up now. I have been through this exact same sitch that you have except that my WAS fell into the arms of one of my best friends.

He is a person that I have memories of when I eat certain foods, I hear certain songs, I see certain vehicles, and now sometimes when I look at my wife. It will probably always be this way but here is what I can tell you from my sitch. I was able to deal with this with no problems, or rubbing it in her face as long as things were going good. When she would start bringing my skeletons out of my closet then I would bring hers out and that would be the only time I would mention his name.

Hopefully in your case you don't know the OM. Me knowing him so well would put some of the most horrible pictures in my head and really bother me. Some weeks it would bother me everyday and then some months it wouldn't bother me at all. The worst part is I have to drive passed his road every day that I go to work.

From what I have read this some thing that you can deal with. The thing to remember is that he was a fill in for you. You were not a fill in for him.

In my current sitch she is seeing another OM. The only difference is this time I know he is a fill in for me. I don't believe he can fill my shoes and in your sitch obviously the OM couldn't fill your shoes because she is back wanting to work things out with YOU!

Remember how you got yourself in this sitch. I say you because from the books that I have read to this point it seems to only take one person to turn things around. I am not saying that she didn't cause some of your actions but you control your destiny at this point.

I feel the same about my vows as you do. It took me 10 years to realize how I was at fault in my sitch and how I can correct it. I don't care if my W has a OM at this point because every day I remember that he is a filler for what she is missing from me.

When me and my W (GF at the time) reconciled she told me that, the OM that she had always wondering what would be like since she was 12 (OM grew up with my W), was not me. She told me that when she kissed him all she could think about was how he was not me. She told me the same thing about the PA too.

You and her committed to each other, it stinks you had to go down this road to wake up, but just remember this. You are on a new road now. You can choose to make a U turn back to where you came from or you can keep moving forward and discover new territory with your W with your new found knowledge and understanding of her. That is truly what is up to you.

One thing I would like to note. I DO NOT APPROVE OF CHEATING IN ANY FORM OR FASHION but I can understand why these WAS can do it with no remorse. There is always 2 sides to a story remember that. She hurt you and you hurt her and there is a reaction for both. Unfortunately she went a different way than what you did.

Pat yourself on the back for taking the high road but don't being her down for not taking the same road. She did what she thought was right for her and apparently it wasn't right for her because she has stopped to pick you up for the "ride". I know it was a long reply but hopefully it will help you in your decision. GOOD LUCK!