Shine on you crazy diamond...

[mj144]

Hey Bud,
I am looking in the mirror when I just got through reading your posts from the last few days. I feel exactly the same way you do. I get the same feeling from my W EVERY DAY when I see her. I have not been posting on the site so much here recently because I haven't really had the chance to keep up with everyone's posts. Unfortunately, there are just too damn many of us here and I can't keep up. I have limited time in front of a computer since I am not set up properly at the place I am renting and when I am at my house, I am trying to job search or spending time with my kids.

I guess the only thing I have to add to everything you are saying is that you are not alone. Your comment about indifference hit home. I was just telling a buddy the same thing about my W. The really scary thing is that her indifference has been ongoing for some time now. What does that tell me? I am afraid to say that I think my M is on its last breath.

I should probably update on my own thread, but I just can't seem to come up with any words to describe what has been going on in my sitch lately. I feel like I have wasted a lot of time and valuable resources in all my B.I.T.S. and S.I.T.S by not updating my thread, but when I can't find words to write or things to comment on, what is the point? I am stuck in an ongoing purgatory that just won't quit.

See, I just rambled on for 3 paragraphs and said absolutely nothing worthwhile. I apologize for posting a bunch of garbage to your thread, but again, I wanted you to know that there is someone feeling exactly the same way you do right now, I am just not able to really express my thoughts and feelings. In the past, I was so much more in touch with how I was feeling and could write poems and letters spilling my guts to my W like no other. I guess I know what writers go through when they have a block. Make it 4 paragraphs of pure babbling.

B.I.T.S.

[Lotus]

FOBD,

Be careful about mind-reading. Especially at these times, when things are strained, people put on fronts for each other. You don't know that she didn't drive away crying, thinking that you seemed so distant from her.

We get into these situations because we can't read each other well. Maybe she is as cold as you say, and maybe she is putting on a good front. Only time will tell.

[dixiegal]

FOBD,

I'm so sorry that you keep getting knocked down today. We are all here for you!

But, you said it yourself...she is still putting her ring on everyday and she did come over. It's still some type of contact FOBD. You could be like me....NONE!

I know it hurts like h#ll when they act like that and treat you with anger and "I don't care" attitude.

But, I don't believe for a moment that she has turned into stone and feels nothing. She is angry FOBD, she is holding on to it. The biggest lies are the one's we tell ourseleves...do you know what I mean?

But, that is what I think your dealing with...this is the hard part...if you want to get her back. You have to have it together when you see her. Take sometime to settle down, pray and go over what you want to say/do. Then act like you are going up for a Oscar!

But, she can't see you freaked out....cause, it makes them feel bad, which makes them run farther. Seem's crazy I know. But, they are in ME mode. She has to see that you have changed....ya gotta make every interaction count.

So, today you had a off day...it happens. Don't beat yourself up for it. Your human and your hurting...you have been torn all day. It happens to each of us.

Try and get something to eat and pop in a funny movie while you lay around. You need to laugh a bit.

I'm praying for you...DONT GIVE UP!!!

[2stepboogie]

Hey buddy I am sorry you are feeling down. Look man this is a long road and a painful one thank god for each other. Lotus is right on the money here. Sometimes we think we know something and in truth we know very little.

You put a front almost everytime you see her right? You try to act happy and content well guess what she is doing the same.


MJ I looked for your thread and couldn't find it the other day

[Denver_2010]

Man FOBD, I'm sorry that you are having such a rough weekend. I know that this doesn't make much difference to you right now, but I have been there. I know that it is hard.

I also know that feeling of indifference from your W. Basically the last 2 weeks and the whole month of December, she seemed indifferent to me and our M. Not sure you want to hear that since December is probably the time that my W "hated my guts," was 'emotionally divorced' from me, and dating OM. But I think that it's important for me to point out to you bc I NEVER thought my W was capable of being that way. And when she was, I was like you. I thought that there was no way that she was ever going to come around. Now, things ARE different.

My point is, is that your W still may come around. My guess is that she still has many, many strong feelings for you that she is suppressing. Remember, if she doesn't suppress those feelings, then she has to deal with them. If she has to deal with them, then she won't have the strength to do what she wants to do right now. I really think that it is a subconscious thing on their part.

But this is why it is so important for you to leave her alone right now. Give her space and time away from you so that her mind gets distracted from those angry thoughts that her subconscious is creating for self protection, to thoughts of 'what is FOBD up to?... wonder why he hasn't contacted me?... wonder if he's dating?' and to thoughts of the good memories of your M. I think that this will happen. But it is going to take time, space apart, and patience from you.

You're doing a great job FOBD. Keep your head up and keep GALing. I like your football analogy, so pretend that this is just half time of the game and you are down by 10 points or so. You're still way in the game man!!

BITS
Denver

[FellOnBlackDays]

MJ, Lotus, 2step, Dixie and Denver,
Your words were the "pick me up" I needed this evening. I can't tell you how comforting it is to know you are there. Hitting this board each night is becoming the highlight of my day. I don't know if that is a good thing or sad.

MJ, you may think you were rambling, but your words were comforting none the less. Don't sell yourself short.

BITS, I just don't get it. Every time I think I have the animal known as the WAS figured out, there is a new, painful twist. I just don't understand my W right now and I guess I shouldn't try. I am frustrated because other spouses that left around the same time my W did are already starting to come back around in some way for other folks on here. But, not mine. She still seems to be the same bitter, pissed off person she was when she left. Come on, it's been five freaking months already!!!! In that period, I have run the entire gambit of emotions and are ready to fix this thing. I have been sad, horribly pissed and now I have accepted this situation for what it is. But, I am also spending time here, reading every night and seeing a C to help me understand. She is just sitting there carrying our her crappy agenda.

Well, I did get one thing figured out this weekend. She will be attending my brother's wedding. After I made the reversal on my position, I kind of dropped the whole thing. I figured she wouldn't have the balls to face my family anyway and I never thought she would show up. Well, one of my relatives threw my future SIL a shower yesterday and my W showed up. She did do one weird thing. She got there before my mother and sister. So, she sat in her car in the driveway until my mother arrived and then she walked in with her. She has been doing things with my relatives for 15 years, but yesterday she would not go into my aunt's house alone. I think she must have been worried about my family. My mother did get a bit upset though. Apparently after she got inside and got comfortable, she started "peacocking" around at this occasion also going on about her new life. My mother was not happy about this at all. She stated that my W was kind of coming off a bit arrogant. My sister wasn't happy either. And, I found out that she is also the coordinator for my SIL's bachelorette party. So, apparently she is just going to continue to "cozy" up to my family while she ignores me at every chance she gets. I guess I should be happy. She at least still cares about them. And, hopefully spending time with them will remind her what she is voluntarily giving up with this b/s. Not to mention, my family is taking the "high road" and coming out smelling like a rose. While her family shuns me, even though it was their freaking daughter that did the walking, my family is still embracing her with open arms even though many of them don't appreciate her crap right now. I wonder how they would feel if they knew about her little EA with "Captian *sswipe in Canada? Just a bit of sarcasm there. Sorry

Well, I guess I will spend some time checking up on the rest of the BITS and go to sleep. Another day without her is now past me. 161 and counting...

BITS never walk alone!

FOBD

[Denver_2010]

Why do arrogant people act arrogant FOBD?

BC they are insecure with themselves at that moment or in general. I wouldn't worry too much about that. She is trying to convince herself that her life is grand more than she is trying to convince anyone else.

I think that you are right about your family coming off like roses... AND about the fact that all of this will remind her about what she is giving up. I have a feeling that this will lead to some great DBing opportunities for you.

BITS
Denver

[2stepboogie]

FOBD,

I gotta tell you man I am super happy she is coming to the wedding! Stop. Think. You see what I am getting at here? What a great chance you have. Let the family deal with their issues and W with hers. They are all grown ups.

You need to worry about what you are doing how you are doing it.

Trust me the wedding is a great chance.

[FellOnBlackDays]

Denver, I agree with you 100%. I think all this never-ending talk that she is spewing out about her "new life" is her trying to convince herself that she is doing great. But, I don't think she really believes that. If she did, she wouldn't need the constant affirmation from everyone around her.

2step, I also agree with you. Maybe the wedding will be a great chance to DB. She might even spend some time that day missing me for the first time. There I will be, looking good in a tux, doing my "funny guy" routine at the reception and she will have to sit across the room unable to be with me. I am really going to have to sit down and work on a plan to follow that day so I don't blow it. I don't want to "wing it" as that might not go well.

BITS never walk alone!

FOBD

[Denver_2010]

Well then, if you believe that, why all of the doom and gloom this weekend!? If that is the case, which it probably is, then all your sitch needs is time and patience!

BITS
Denver