Deja vu seems a lot different this time around...

[mj144]

2step, I have been looking for me, too. I just don't really know what to say.

I guess one thing did happen today. My W called me this AM about a small gift bag she put together for each of my girls for V-day. She asked me if I wanted her to wait for me to give them to her. Not sure what to think about it. I guess it is positive, right? She also asked me if I had told my D7 if I had said anything to her about me moving back in. My D7 has been asking me when I am coming home for good and she apparently has been asking my W, too. The thing is, if I do move back, I may just move back out when I get a job and can afford my own place. I don't really know what I should do.

My W kind of hinted that we need to chat before we tell my girls about me coming back. I will be at my house this week because W is going out of town for business. She leaves Tuesday and next weekend is my weekend at the house with the girls, so this will be the longest I can 'go dark' from my wife since I won't see her from tomorrow morning until next Monday morning. Other than that, I've really got nothing else to add, other than my fear of my W showing signs of indifference.

I feel like I am in such a state of purgatory with everything still. I have no real reason to think a conversation about me moving back in the house will be anything more than just discussing logistics.

I still am bothered by the whole situation with my FIL a few weeks back. As a refresher, he called and threatened to kill me and told me his advice to my W is to run from my M over an interview I gave on local news about a psycho XH of my neighbor who broke into their house and vandalized it. My FIL was worried about retribution from the XH on my W and kids. Unwarranted, of course. I feel like I need to try and diffuse the situation. In the past he has always apologized for his past overreactions to situations. I am not the kind of person who can just let something like this linger. I feel like I need to either talk to my MIL or FIL about it.

The last thing I want to address is the apparent indifference of my W. The opposite of love is not hate, but indifference, right? Well, I feel like I have been getting a whole lot of indifference. The longer things go on, the more that indifference is going to build. I have no idea how to go about breaking down her indifference wall. Do I move out completely on my own when I get a chance? How does going dark help the sitch when indifference has set in? Will me moving out and taking the kids every other week change that dynamic? I try to engage her with small talk but she just responds with one word answers. I think back and we had drifted so far apart that we had stopped talking about things. I don't know how to start engaging her in any type of friendly conversation. She just won't go there.

B.I.T.S. and S.I.T.S., I really need some help. I am stuck. I feel like if I don't do something soon, if its not already too late, the indifference is going to lead her to moving forward with things.

I don't want to mention anything about my job sitch since when I have before, I ended up jinxing myself.

B.I.T.S.